


Unpacking Books From Boxes

by emmerlii



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, Broken Heart, Heartbreak, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, Sad, Sad Liam, Sad Louis, Sadness, lilo, lilo paynlinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 02:13:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10065800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmerlii/pseuds/emmerlii
Summary: Liam and Louis fall in love, then bad things happen, but it's all okay again in the end.





	

Louis was tired. He’d spent the last ten hours on a plane back to England with a snoring old man seated next to him and a screaming, kicking child behind him, who definitely hadn’t hesitated to kick at Louis’ seat and Louis’ seat only. Kids can be cruel sometimes.

The plane had landed quickly and he found himself on autopilot until he finally found his car in the airport’s carpark. He shoved his bag in the backseat and got into the driver’s seat. He’d been gone for two weeks, and his car had gathered so much dust that it was actually ridiculous. Louis rubbed at his head, deciding that before he went home he was going to have to stop off somewhere and get some headache relief. He closed his car door and turned on the ignition and drove off into the night looking forward to putting his head on his own pillow for once.

He might have fallen asleep if it hadn’t been for the car behind him who constantly had their high beams turned on, blinding him the entire time. He was somewhat grateful for them being there, even if they were an asshole. Louis felt completely exhausted.

Louis pulled into the pharmacy’s carpark that was close to his house and sighed. His headache had gotten worse in the short time he’d been driving. Tomorrow was probably going to suck; thank god he didn’t have anything planned. Jet lag was the actual worst thing that ever existed.

He walked into the pharmacy and looked around for a bit, going up and down the small aisles for no reason at all. The pharmacy had a service station connected to it, and Louis was wondering if he could survive on some chips and coke for the next day or two while his body got over the jetlag. Fucking jet lag, Louis thought to himself.

As he picked up a few packets, someone else entered the pharmacy, startling both Louis and the cashier that was standing by the register. It was a man. He was rugged and looked more tired than Louis ever thought someone could look. Louis was annoyed at the cold breeze that the strange man brought with him.

The man headed in Louis’ direction, and Louis felt the need to get the fuck out of that pharmacy as soon as possible. He grabbed the first pain killer packet he saw and darted for the register, hand tapping on the counter while he waited for the cashier to ring it up. He paid and left without a second thought for the man, until he realised that in the entire carpark, this strange man had decided that he was going to park exactly next to Louis’ car. 

This is it, Louis thought. This is exactly the moment I’m going to die. Fantastic. He rubbed his hands over his face, awaiting the inevitable.

He got into his car and waited. He wasn’t sure what for, but he waited. A few seconds later, the man walked out of the pharmacy with nothing and looked directly at Louis. He didn’t do anything else, just stood and stared. Fight or flight had always seemed like a stupid thing, but Louis had never backed out of a confrontation before, and he wasn’t about to start now.

He got out of his car and sad a lot louder than he’d intended “Oi, you, why are you staring at me. And why the fuck is your car parked next to mine when there’s probably about eighty-seven other spots you could have parked in?” He kicked one of the tires on the man’s car for good measure and waited for a response.

The man said nothing, only stared. He looked skittish now, like he was about to high tale it out of there and leave Louis bewildered, which was, in fact, completely rude. Louis also felt scared.

“What do you want?” Louis said as menacingly as he could. He took a few steps forward and the man suddenly thrust something into Louis’ chest.

“You dropped your passport.” The man said. He stared at Louis until Louis took it. He reached for his back pocket, and sure enough, his passport wasn’t there. He took the passport out of the man’s hand carefully, still not sure what to make of the situation. He definitely didn’t feel safe right now, too close. Too close to a complete stranger that was definitely bigger than him and could probably kill him with one punch. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I was on your plane and I saw you drop it when you stood up but you’d left before I could give it back to you so I followed you so I could give it back to you.” The man rambled quickly.

Louis’ heart was pounding faster and faster as each second passed. He didn’t know how to respond, so he said “You know that’s how people get murdered, don’t you?”   
The man didn’t say anything, just looked confused and on edge and in the pit of Louis’ stomach, something made him almost pity this man. He started shivering, but he hadn’t made any indication that he was going to move any time soon. 

“Uh, I guess I’ll be going now.” Louis said. “Thanks for returning my passport…” He realised he didn’t know the man’s name.

“I’m Liam.” The man said, putting his hand out so Louis could shake it. He did, but it was brief, and Liam’s hands were sweaty. Louis wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Nice to meet you, Liam. I’m Louis.” Louis said as he got back into his car. He started the ignition and happened to look up and see that Liam still hadn’t moved. I swear this fucker is part statue, Louis thought to himself. Louis sighed and got back out of his car. If he was a complete asshole, he’d leave this stranger here and hope for the best. Sadly, Louis isn’t a complete asshole and has some compassion, even when he doesn’t want it.

“Er, are you all right, Liam?” Louis asked, trying to stifle a yawn. His head was starting to pound as his headache got worse.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Liam said. He walked to his car and got in and drove off quicker than Louis had ever seen anyone move before.

What the fuck was that about, Louis thought to himself. He checked his phone and it told him that it was now 12:03am. He sighed and rested his head on the side of the car, the coolness of it soothing his head a little. He got back in his car and turned on the radio to try and keep himself awake as much as possible while he drove home.

**

Jay asked Louis to go to the store and get some milk because they were out. He’d been home for four days and even though the worst of his jet lag was now gone, he still felt a bit sluggish. He’d protested but Jay reminded him that he’s “twenty-two now. Stop throwing a tantrum and do as you’re told.” Louis gave a dramatic huff as he walked out the door.

After collecting the milk and shutting the fridge door, a yawning Louis bumped into something solid and fell to the floor. “Ow.” He said.

“I’m so sorry. Let me help you up.” The person held out their hand for Louis to hold and there was something familiar about them. 

After getting a good look at the stranger’s face, Louis was surprised. “Liam?” He said in disbelief. 

“Um, hi, Louis.” Liam said, picking up Louis’ milk and handing it to him. Louis inspected it for damage.

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked. He knew he was acting weird, but he couldn’t help it.

“I um, live nearby?” Liam said like it was none of Louis’ business. And it wasn’t. Louis was being a twat.

“Cool.” Louis said. “Want to hang out sometime?” Louis asked after a few seconds. Liam must think he’s the biggest nut job to ever walk the earth. What the hell was wrong with Louis? Yes, Louis, let’s hang out with a complete stranger that may or may not be a fucking axe murderer, you absolute knob, he thought to himself. He offered a stupid smile.

“Um, sure, I guess.” Liam said, quietly. Good. Liam’s agreed to murder to you now. Well done.

“I’ll give you my number and we can set something up.” Liam softened a little at this and Louis was thankful for it, thought maybe he wasn’t being a complete idiot even though he knew he was. He wasn’t sure what it was about Liam but he suddenly felt compelled to stay in contact with him. He didn’t even know him. 

Liam handed Louis his phone and vice versa. After they’d returned the phones to each other, they went their separate ways and Louis felt simultaneously stupid and excited. He wasn’t sure why he was excited, just that he was. He also felt like a dickhead, but that was neither here nor there.

**  
When he got home, he put the milk in the fridge and found Jay outside hanging up washing. “So, you remember that Liam guy I met after my flight got in?”

“He actually was an axe murderer and he’s gone to jail?” Jay said.

“Funny.” Louis said. He picked up some of the washing so Jay didn’t have to keep bending. “I bumped into him at the store. I gave him my number.”

Jay looked at him. “Why did you do that?” 

 

“I’m not really sure. He seemed lonely, I guess? I don’t know.” Louis stumbled over his words, trying to think of an explanation. “How else do people become friends?”

“True, I suppose.” Jay said. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want something bad happening to you.”

“It won’t mum. I’ll knock him down with my glorious charm.” Louis beamed.

“Shut up and help me with the washing.” Jay said, laughing a little.

**

It had been a week since Louis had bumped into Liam at the grocery store, and he found himself feeling somewhat disappointed that Liam hadn’t texted him at all.

“Personally, I don’t know why you’re so hung up on getting to know this Liam boy. You don’t even know him, Louis.” Jay said over breakfast one morning.

Louis’ phone vibrated, saying that he’d received a text. “Bet you five pounds that’s Liam.” He said, getting up from the table to retrieve it.

“Fine.” Jay said, shaking her head.

When Louis came back to the table, he had his phone in one hand, and his other hand held out in front of him, showing Jay that Liam had texted him. “You owe me five pounds, mum.” Louis said, smugly. 

Instead, Jay put her plate in Louis’ hands. “You can do the dishes as your payment. What does the text say?” 

Louis quickly read it through, smiling broadly as he reached the end of it. “It says that he wants to know if I’m busy this afternoon and if I want to catch up at the coffee shop.”

“Sounds interesting.” Jay said. After a moment, she added “And it’s in a public place so he can’t murder you with his axe.”

“Mum, he’s not an axe murderer. They don’t let axe murderers on planes.” Louis said, replying to the text.

“They do if they don’t tell anyone about it.” Jay said.

Liam replied back to Louis’ text quickly, asking if he was free at 2:30 for a coffee. Louis looked at the clock. It read 2:00. “I need to get ready mum. Meeting Liam in a half hour.” 

He picked up Jay’s plate from the table, stacking his glass on top of it and moved them into the sink. “Promise I’ll do them when I get back.” He said.

“Mhm.” Jay said.  
**

“Please stay safe.” Jay said, concern running rampant through her voice.

“Mum, I’ll be fine. I think I’d know if someone was an axe murderer. Or any kind of murderer. Axe murderers don’t help people off the ground after they’ve knocked someone over, you know.” He kissed Jay’s cheek, grabbed the car keys and headed out the door.

Louis’ heart pounded with nerves as he drove. When he got to the small car park in front of the coffee shop, he spotted Liam leaning against the wall of the building having a cigarette. Louis had quit a few months ago, but he could definitely go for one right now.

“Hey.” He said as he walked over to Liam. Liam promptly put his cigarette out. “You didn’t have to do that.” Louis said with a small laugh. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“That’s all right.” Liam said a little quietly. “There’s a free booth at the back if you’re ready to go in?” Liam didn’t wait for a response, and Louis followed him in. He could tell by the way Liam’s shoulders were hunched up that he was nervous as well.

Louis wasn’t sure what to say when they both sat down at the booth, so he went for the joke approach. “So, are you an axe murderer?” He said, forcing a laugh. It sounded better in his head. 

Liam fixed him with a confused look. “Um, no?” He said after a few seconds of awkward silence. “Are you?”

“I am actually.” Louis said. Keep digging, you idiot, he thought to himself. “I keep all my axes in individual cases in my basement back home.” 

“I know you’re joking.” Liam said. “But that’s actually terrifying.” He offered Louis a small smile though, so Louis felt like it was a win.

“What do you want? To drink I mean.” Louis added quickly. “I’m thinking I might get a tea.”

“Coffee for me, please.” Liam pulled out his wallet and got out the money.

Louis took it and then handed it right back to Liam. “Nope. On me, dude.” He smiled and walked up to the counter and ordered.

When he sat back down, he noticed Liam quickly putting his phone back in his pocket. “You all right?” He asked, placing Liam’s coffee in front of him and taking a sip of his tea, which was delicious as always.

“Yeah, sorry. Just checking the time. Sorry I’m really nervous.” Liam took a sip of his coffee so he’d have something to hide behind. He hates being nervous like this. Louis seems nice at least.

“That’s understandable. I’m pretty nervous myself, actually.” Louis said.

“Really?” Liam put his coffee back on the table. “You don’t seem it.”  
“I’m good at hiding it.” Louis said, smiling. He took another sip of his tea, trying to figure out where to take the conversation next. “What were you doing in America?” He asked.

“I was visiting my parents.” Liam said.

“They don’t live in England?”

“No.” Liam said. “They came into some money about six months ago and wanted to move, but I didn’t.”

“So, you stayed here?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, sorry, I just realised something. How old are you?”

“I’m twenty.” Liam said.

“Oh wow. I’m twenty-two. Sorry, you just look young for your age.” Louis said with a laugh.

“You literally look like you’re fifteen.” Liam said, smiling. “Louis, I look older than you.” He was glad to feel some of the tension in his shoulders leave. He felt like he was beginning to relax a little, like he hadn’t made a huge mistake asking Louis to hang out. “Did you really think I was an axe murderer?” He said after a few moments.

“Not really.” Louis said. “My mum did though.”

“You live with your parents then?” Liam said, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Just my mum, yeah.” Louis said.

Liam wanted to press the issue, but he didn’t. He could tell what Louis was saying without him having to actually say it. “That’s cool. So like, what do you do? Like, do you go to uni or work?”

“I kind of hop from job to job. I did recently get fired from the burger joint down the street though.”

“How do you even get fired from a place like that?” Liam said with a laugh.

“By hardly turning up.” Louis said. “I was waiting to see how long it would go on for before they actually did fire me. Took them a few weeks to actually do it.”

“You like testing people then?” Liam asked.

“I suppose so, yeah.” Louis took a sip of his tea, finishing it. “I’m thinking of applying at the new Toys R Us a few streets over.”

“You’d be perfect to work in a place like that, I reckon.” Liam said, suddenly feeling enthusiastic. “You could charm people into buying ridiculously expensive toys for their kids.”

“I probably could actually.” Louis said, laughing. “I should put that on my application form. What are you doing?”

“Literally nothing. I’ve been at my parent’s place in America for three months and I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the job I applied for before I left.” Liam said. He finished his coffee. 

“Mum forced me into taking some of their money so I wouldn’t end up starving when I got back.” He said with a small laugh.

They talked for ages and ages and Louis was definitely glad that Liam didn’t turn out to be an axe murderer. They agreed to catch up again soon. 

“It’s a date, then.” Liam said. “Er, or a catch up I suppose.”

“It’s a date.” Louis said.   
They walked outside. “Should probably get going I think. Looks like it’s gonna rain.” Liam said, looking up at the sky. “Today was fun, Louis.” He smiled.

“Yeah it was, Liam. Thanks.” Louis said. He went to shake Liam’s hand at the same time that Liam went in for a quick hug. His hand ended up getting crushed between their bodies, but Louis was okay with it when he realised how great Liam’s hugs were. He felt embarrassingly weird for even thinking that. Liam smiled at Louis before walking away. Louis watched him turn the corner before he started on his way back to the car.

When he got home, he found Jay sitting on the couch drinking a cup of tea. “So how’d it go?” She asked.

“It was great, mum.” Louis said, putting the keys down on the coffee table and sitting next to Jay. “He’s really nice and he’s interesting.”

“So he’s not an axe murderer then?”

“No.” Louis said, smiling.

“You seeing him again?”

“Yeah, probably.” Louis said. “Should be good.”

Today had actually been really good. Way better than Louis had thought it would be. He hoped that his possibly-a-date-but-not-sure-if-it-is-a-date with Liam would happen soon.  
**  
Louis hadn’t been this nervous in a long time. It was weird though, he wasn’t sure it was a date or not. When Liam had asked him and Louis had accepted his invitation, Liam had replied with “Cool, it’s a date then :),” but Louis had no idea if he was being funny or not. Why can’t people just be more clear, he thought to himself. He hoped it was a date. He also didn’t want to think of it as a date incase Liam didn’t think it was a date.

Louis rubbed his eyes and picked up his phone. He had a text from Liam saying “Looking forward to today :)” Louis replied back with a “Just woke up, can’t wait,” and then put his phone back on his bedside table. He hoped that at least after the whatever-it-was with Liam was over, he’d be able to get a better read on things.

A knock at his bedroom door pulled Louis out of his thoughts. “Morning, love.” Jay said from behind the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, mum.”

The door opened gently and Jay walked in, sitting on the edge of Louis’ bed as she did most mornings, when Louis was actually at home at least.

“How you feeling this morning?”

“A little tired.”

“Are you looking forward to your date with Liam? Maybe you can entice him back here so I can meet him.” Jay smiled.

“Mum,” Louis groaned. “I don’t even know if it is a date.”

“He said it was, didn’t he? That’s what you said when you were reading out the text.”

“People say that kind of thing all the time, mum. Sometimes they don’t actually mean it that way.”

“Well then I think that people need to be more clear with what they say,” Jay said.

“You and I both.”

“Come on, get dressed.” Jay said after a few moments. “I need you to run to the store and get some milk for me before your not-date date with Liam.”

“It’s a not-date, and okay.”

“It’s definitely a date,” Jay said with a smirk. “And from what you’ve told me, this Liam seems to be a very nice boy. Now get dressed.” Jay stood up, gave Louis a smile and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Louis sighed. Was he the only one confused on the technicality of today? He wanted to ask Liam if this was a date, but if it wasn’t, he didn’t want to make things awkward. Or worse, have Liam suddenly cancel on him for unspecified reasons.

He got dressed quickly and grabbed Jay’s car keys and headed for the front door. “See you soon, mum.” He called over his shoulder.

Louis was in and out of the store and back home in half an hour. He hadn’t checked his phone the whole time, which surprised him, but as he pulled it out of his pocket, his stomach sunk to the floor when he saw he had a missed call from Liam.

“He’s gonna cancel, mum.” Louis said, shoving the phone in Jay’s face.

“How about you just call him back and see what’s up?”

“But what if he cancels, mum?” Louis said, moaning like a small child as he said ‘mum.’

“You know something, Lou, you wouldn’t be this worked up about it if it wasn’t a date.” Jay said, smirking again.

“Ugh, fine, I’ll call him.” Louis said. He took his phone off the kitchen table and headed for his bedroom.

His hands shook as he typed in Liam’s number to call him.

He was relieved when Liam answered after three rings. “Hey, Lou, glad you called me back.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Louis’ voice was a bit shaky with nerves, but he hoped that Liam didn’t notice.

“Is it all right if we push our date back an hour? There’s some stuff I need to deal with at home right now.” He sounded hesitant, like Louis would be the one to cancel on him.

“Yeah, that’s fine, Liam. Perfectly fine.” Louis’ cheeks shot into a massive grin as soon as Liam asked to postpone. “Actually, I thought you’d called to cancel on me.” Louis said, chuckling.

“Cancel on the great Louis Tomlinson? Never!” Liam laughed. “Anyway, I’ve got to get back, I’ll see you in a bit, Lou.” Liam hung up and Louis was met with a beep and he couldn’t be happier. He’d never felt so relieved in his life.

He bolted down the stairs back to the kitchen to where Jay was still sitting at the dinner table reading a magazine. “How’d you go, love?”

“He didn’t cancel, mum. He had to postpone for some reason.”

“You didn’t ask?” There was concern in Jay’s voice.

“Um, no? Should I have? Isn’t that rude though? I mean, it’s not my business, really.” Louis’ babbling was getting faster and faster. 

Jay got up from the table and pulled Louis into a tight hug. “It’s all right, Lou.” She said with a laugh. “I’m sure Liam will tell you when you’re there on your not-date.”

“I think it might actually be a date, mum.” Louis said, looking down at Jay, meeting her eyes.

“Oh really?”

“He called it a date again. I think he was actually serious and not just being funny.”

“Well, that’s good then, Lou.” Jay said, smiling.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go watch TV for a bit now that I’ve got an extra hour to kill.”

The next hour took forever. Louis cursed the clock every time he looked at it for being obnoxiously slow. He had a sudden understanding of when Veruca Salt asked her father to ‘make time go faster.’ Only he wasn’t a bratty twelve-year-old. 

He’d gotten lost in a Scooby Doo marathon when he looked at the clock again and saw that he was actually running three minutes late.

“Fuck!” Louis yelled, jumping up from the couch.

“Louis, language!” Jay called to him.

“Sorry mum, I’m running late.”

“Scooby Doo ruins everything.” Jay said sarcastically.

Louis ran into his room, frantic. He wasn’t sure why. Three minutes is nothing; he was being stupid. He sat down on his bed and started breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. He’d never been this nervous in his life.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Louis.” Jay said, sitting down next to him.

“I know. I don’t really know why I am.” Jay rubbed calming circles over Louis’ back.

“I think you like him, Lou.” Jay said.

“Maybe, I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“You will in time.” Jay said. “Splash some water on your face and then we can get going.”

“We?” Louis looked horrified. “Mum, you’re not coming… are you?”

“Only to drop you off because I need the car. I know when I’ve become too old to hang out with my kids and their friends, Lou.” Jay said with a laugh. 

After five minutes, Louis was in the car, buckling his seatbelt and nervous as all hell. He decided to text Liam that he was on his way. He got a reply back almost immediately saying the exact same thing, and then a follow up of “Oh! Guess we were both thinking the same thing haha :)” Louis smiled.

The drive seemed to take forever, but soon enough, Louis spotted Liam standing outside the coffee shop, smoking a cigarette.

“Filthy habit.” Jay muttered under her breath. If she knew that Louis had picked up the habit too, who knows what she’d do. “Have fun, Lou. Text me if you need anything.” She said as Louis got out of the car. She gave a small wave to Liam who, in his attempt to wave back, dropped his cigarette on his shoe and almost set it on fire.

“Thanks, mum. I will.” Louis closed the door to Jay’s car and headed over to Liam, who’d taken his shoe off to inspect the damage.

“Liam, what are you doing?” Louis said, trying to keep a serious face.

“Uh, I think I burnt my shoe a bit.” Liam said, holding up the shoe, where there was a very tiny mark left from the dropped cigarette. 

“Gonna have to keep an eye on you, Liam;” Louis placed a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “you might turn into a pyro.” Louis said, smiling.

“Yeah, better be careful then, Tommo. Uh, Lou-Louis.” Liam looked down at his shoes, silently scolding himself.

“Tommo’s fine… Payno.” Louis said reassuringly.

Liam thought for a moment. “Tommo and Payno. I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah, we sound like superheroes! And judging by your shoe, I think we’ve found your power.” Louis said laughing.

Liam tried to glare at Louis, but it soon turned into him laughing loudly.

They walked inside the coffee shop and Louis picked a booth right at the back. Liam sat down on the other side with a sigh, picking up the menu. “Think I might have actually   
burnt my foot.” 

“Liam, you’re wearing combat boots. And there’s barely even a mark on it.” Louis said, snatching the menu from Liam, despite the fact that there was another one directly in front of him. 

“Anyway, what’s good here?” Liam asked, ignoring Louis’ comment.

“I hear the coffee’s good.” Louis said.

“Your super power is definitely sarcasm, Louis.” Liam said.

“What makes you think that?” Louis asked, grinning wryly. 

“Gee, I wonder.” Liam said with a laugh. “Come on, pick something and I’ll go order.”

“I’d like a tea, please.” Louis said, putting the menu back on the table.

“Anything else?” Liam asked, getting up from the table.

“Nope, all good thanks, Payno.”

“All right, be back in a bit.” Liam said, walking over to the counter.

Louis got out his phone and texted Jay, saying that everything was going well. He didn’t tell her that he thinks he might have feelings for Liam. He was gonna bury that. For now, at least.

Liam came back soon after with a tea for Louis and a coffee for himself.

“No tea for you? Are you sure you’re actually English, Payno?” Louis asked.

“Born and bred in Wolverhampton.” Liam said, smiling proudly.

“What are you – a bull?” Louis asked, putting his tea down on the table.

“Bull Payno. That’s got a ring to it, don’t you think?” 

“Okay, if I knew you were going to throw puns at me, I would have cancelled.” Louis said, laughing a little.

“No, you wouldn’t have. You can’t resist hanging out with good old Payno.”

“I think you’re actually the worst person I’ve ever met, Liam.”

“And yet, you’re still here. Drink up, I’ve got something planned for us later.” Liam said, chugging the rest of his coffee and immediately regretting it as it burned his throat.

“Hot.” Louis said, purposefully taking small sips of his tea.

“You’re doing that to annoy me.”

“Indeed, I am.” Louis said. He downed the rest of his tea and wiped his mouth. “Now, where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise, Louis.”

“You’re gonna murder me aren’t you?” Louis laughed, trying his best to look horrified.

“Actually, I was gonna ram you coz I’m a bull—“ Liam’s face went pale when he realised what he’d said.

Louis started laughing hysterically. “Jesus Payno!” Louis said after he’d gained some control over his breathing again. “Tell us how you really feel.” Louis wiped his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Liam looked down at his lap.

“Chin up, Payno. You look like a sad puppy.” Louis said, smiling at Liam.

“You don’t want to never talk to me again?”

“I wanna find out who hurt you enough to make you think that would even be possible.” Louis said seriously. “Trust me, Liam, you’d have to do something pretty bad for me to leave you.” Louis made a mental note to remember to ask Liam about that another time.

“Okay. Anyway, I was gonna take you—“

“Nope.” Louis said, standing up and pulling Liam up with him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re gonna show me instead.”

“All right, follow me then.” Liam said with a smile. He didn’t shake Louis’ hand off his shoulder, and Louis figured that was definitely a good sign of things to come. He’d also definitely developed feelings for Liam. He hoped they weren’t one sided.  
**

After a twenty-minute walk, and a lot of ‘accidental’ shoulder bumping on Louis’ part, Liam stopped in front of an ice cream place.

“We’re here.” Liam said, beaming. “Dad used to take me and my sister’s for a drive sometimes when we were younger and we’d always stop here on the way back.”

“Wow.” Louis said. He wasn’t expecting Liam’s surprise to be an ice cream place, but he’s definitely happy that it’s an ice cream place. 

“Yeah, they make amazing ice cream here. Honestly the best I’ve ever had. I, um, I wanted to share that with you.”

Louis stopped looking inside the shop and turned to face Liam. “Thank you, Liam.” Louis said. He grabbed Liam and pulled him into a hug. Liam was a bit stiff, but he soon softened. He wrapped his arms around Louis and Louis had never felt safer. He knew Liam was bigger than him, but he hadn’t realised just how much. Louis liked the feeling of being completely safe, feeling completely okay with someone else. It had been a long time since he’d felt like this.

I really want to kiss you, Louis thought to himself.

He began to lean up to meet Liam’s mouth, but Liam pulled out of the hug, unaware of Louis’ intent.

“Come on, gotta show you my favourite flavour.” Liam said, pulling Louis by his wrist into the ice cream shop.

When they walked in, there was an old man standing behind the ice cream, and he beamed when he saw Liam. “Young Liam, look how much you’ve grown!”

“Hi, Pete.” Liam said, shaking Pete’s hand. “It’s good to see you again. I’m not so young now though.” Liam’s eyes crinkled up and disappeared as he smiled and Louis wanted to be the one to make Liam’s face do that. “This is my friend, Louis.” Liam said, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulders. Louis could definitely get used to Liam hanging off him all the time.

“Hello, Louis. Lovely to meet you.” Pete said, shaking Louis’ hand. “Now, what can I get you, lads?”

“Can I get two banana choc chip cones, please” Liam said.

“You’re joking.” Louis said, staring at Liam.

Liam looked confused. “What?”

“That’s my favourite flavour too.”

“Huh, wow.” Liam said, smiling broadly. “Looks like we’re meant to be then.” He squeezed Louis and grabbed some napkins off one of the tables nearby. Louis was starting to feel head over heels for Liam. 

Liam lead Louis down the road a bit to a small lake where they could sit and watch the birds splashing around while they ate their ice creams.

“It’s lovely here, Liam.” Louis said, crunching the last of his cone and swallowing. “Like, proper beautiful.”

“Yeah, I love it here. When I was younger, I used to come here to think stuff out properly. It was the only place I could go.” Liam finished the last of his ice cream, sighing as the little bit of cone he had left fell out of his hand. “I swear that happens every time I’m here.” He said with a laugh.

“Last bit’s not very good, Payno.” Louis said, licking at a choc chip that had gotten stuck to his hand and smirking. He scooted back on the bench they were sitting on and stretched his arms out on the back of it.

They fell silent for a few minutes, listening to the birds and watching people pass by, creating little back stories for each one. 

“This is perfect.” Liam mumbled to himself.

“Yeah it is.” Louis replied. “It’s gorgeous out here, Payno. Thanks for showing me.” Louis rubbed Liam’s arm, noting the heat coming from it.

“Do you mind if I take a picture of you?” Liam asked. “Not, uh. Not in a creepy way. I don’t have a shrine for you in my bedroom or anything.”

“I’m insulted by that, Liam.” Louis said.

“Okay I lied, it’s actually massive. I had to build a basement underneath my house just so that everything would fit comfortably.”

“Much better.” Louis said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

Liam cleared his throat. “Um, anyway. The light’s hitting you really nicely and I was just wondering if I could take a picture of it—uh, you?”

“Sure.” Louis said. “Take as many as you need.”

Liam only needed one, but he took about five more, because he knew Louis was enjoying the attention. He put his phone back in his pocket and sat back on the bench realising how close he was sitting to Louis. He hoped Louis couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating. 

He leant his head back, forgetting that Louis’ arms were still outstretched on the back of the bench. He hesitated a little, but noticing that Louis didn’t move his arm, he put his head back gently. Louis sighed contentedly. 

“Can I tell you something, Liam?” Louis asked after a minute, turning his head to face Liam.

“Sure.” Liam said, meeting Louis’ eye.

“I kind of want to kiss you.” 

Liam sat up for a moment, contemplating what Louis had said. Louis panicked. “Um, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He said, quickly.

“Louis, shush for a moment.” Liam said, turning so his body was facing Louis. He leant in and pressed his lips to Louis’.

The kiss was sweet and slow. Liam cupped Louis’ face in his hands and Louis felt like he might actually melt. “Wow.” He said breathlessly into Liam’s mouth, breaking the kiss.

“Yeah, wow.” Liam said, smiling. 

“I could definitely get used to that, I think.” Louis said with a small laugh.

**

“Liam just texted me. Says he’s on his way.” Louis couldn’t hide how excited he was. Liam had asked Louis out on a second date a week ago. Said he had something a little different planned this time around.

“Do you know what you’ll be doing?” Jay asked, pouring milk into her tea.

“Sort of. He says something about dinner and then going back to his place.” Louis said. 

“All right, well have fun and stay safe.” Jay winked. Louis groaned.

He walked into the bathroom to make sure his face still looked good and hadn’t somehow changed in the ten minutes since he last checked to make sure he looked okay.

“You look wonderful, love.” Jay said, leaning on the bathroom doorway. 

“I’m just nervous.” Louis said a little sheepishly. 

“I know. It’s your first proper date.” Jay said. “And obviously Liam means something to you if you’re letting him meet me. You’ve never done that with any of the people you’ve been interested in, Lou.”

“He does mum. I think Liam’s gonna be with us for a while.” Louis said, realising how lame he’d sounded as soon as he said it. 

Jay burst out laughing. “Well, let’s hope he gets here soon so we don’t have to hear any more of that!”

There was a knock at the door. 

Louis smiled at Jay and felt his nerves shoot through the roof. He’d never been this nervous for a date with someone before. He really hoped that this was a good sign. He definitely hoped that Liam would stick around for a while at least. He liked Liam a lot.

When he opened the door, he was taken back by Liam dressed up in a nice blazer and suit pants. He felt completely under-dressed in his jeans and t-shirt.

“Hey.” Liam said, smiling. 

“Hi.” Louis said back, smiling just as wide. “Come in.” Louis added as an afterthought. Good god he looks good, Louis thought to himself. 

“Hi, you must be Liam.” Jay said as Louis closed the door. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Good things, I hope.” Liam said with a small chuckle. 

“Definitely.” Jay said. “It’s good to meet you.”

“It’s good to meet you too, miss Tom—Uh, Jay.” Liam stumbled a little, but he was so sweet. “Sorry, but do you mind if I borrow your toilet?”

“Only if you promise to give it back.” Louis said.

Liam looked at him with a confused look on his face for a few seconds before realising what Louis meant, then squawked and slapped a hand over his mouth, embarrassed.

“Come on, you’re going all red faced now. I’ll show you.” Louis said. He took Liam’s hand, realising that his palms were ridiculously sweaty and led Liam to their toilet. Jay gave Louis a thumbs up on his way back into the lounge where she was sitting on the couch.

“He’s wonderful, Louis. You’ve picked a good one. Don’t let him go too quickly.” Jay said.

“I won’t mum. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure, love.”

Louis looked round the doorway to make sure Liam wasn’t coming, then back at Jay. “I think I could actually fall in love with him.”

Jay grabbed Louis’ hands and said “Love, that’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard you say. I’ve been waiting for today for so long, and I’m so glad that you get to experience this. Liam’s a good lad, and you deserve to be happy.” Tears were forming in her eyes and she snagged Louis up in a tight hug.

“Woah, is everything okay?” Liam looked worried as he walked back into the lounge.

“Everything’s fine, love.” Jay said, wiping at her eyes. “They’re happy tears.”

“My mum cries a lot.” Liam said. He didn’t know what to say after that so he stayed silent.

“I suppose we should get going then.” Louis said, kissing Jay on the cheek and standing up.

“Yeah we should. I’ve got my car parked out on the street.” Liam said. “It was great to meet you, Jay.” He shook her hand, and she hugged him. Liam hadn’t ever been accepted by another family like this before, especially not so quickly. He grinned with the knowledge that maybe he and Louis were going to make it, and make it far.

**

The drive to the restaurant that Liam was taking Louis to was actually more perfect than Louis could have hoped for. The radio played all the right music and even though they were making small talk, it was all just so perfectly done and Louis had never been happier than he was right now sitting in the passenger seat of Liam’s car.

“We’re nearly there.” Liam said as one of the songs came to a close and the DJ started talking again. He found a park across the road from one of Louis’ favourite restaurants.

“Where are you taking me?” Louis asked.

“The one over there.” Liam, unbeknownst to him, was pointing to one of Louis’ favourite restaurants.

“Did you read some kind of book about me that listed all my favourite things? Because first the ice cream and now my favourite restaurant?” Louis beamed. “Take a guess at who my favourite person is.”

“Is it me?” Liam asked.

“Definitely.” Louis smiled. Liam leaned over to Louis and kissed his cheek. Louis felt his stomach flutter and he hoped Liam couldn’t hear how fast his heart was pounding.

They got out of the car, and Louis was thankful that the wind was chilly, because it meant he could line his body up with Liam’s for warmth. He loved how warm Liam’s body was. And even though he’d barely ever been in such close proximity of it before, he was looking forward to getting to snuggle up to Liam over and over again. 

“You’re like a human blanket.” Louis said after they’d been directed to their table. It was in the back of the restaurant, away from most of the traffic coming in and out.

“Thank you.” Liam said, pouring himself a glass of water.

“That’s okay.” Louis said. He brushed his leg over Liam’s while looking at the menu and smirked. He was ridiculously nervous, but it didn’t stop him from being a little shit. Tonight was going to be a good night.

They talked mostly about their families and what they’d been doing since graduating from school while they ate. Louis noticed that Liam seemed to subconsciously close off whenever he mentioned high school, and that made him sad. What could have happened to this incredibly kind person to make them close up like that?

“Do you want dessert?” Louis asked after their conversation had lulled a little bit. “They make really nice Sticky Date Pudding here. We can go halves though because the serves are bloody massive.”

“Sounds good to me.” Liam said, rubbing his stomach. He looked sleepy and Louis couldn’t wait to get back to his place. They were both a few drinks in now and feeling the buzz from it. 

Liam couldn’t help but constantly smile the whole night. He’d never been this happy with someone before. Louis felt like a missing link that Liam had been trying to find his entire life. And Liam was so happy that his missing link seemed to fit perfectly by his side.

They didn’t end up finishing the pudding. Liam commented that you could probably feed at least six people with how big the serve was. Louis laughed and snaked his hand into Liam’s as they walked back to Liam’s car.

When Liam turned on the car, the mood suddenly changed as techno music started blasting from the speakers, prompting Louis to start giggling. Liam turned off the radio in favour of silence. Louis decided to fiddle with the radio until he found something that suited their mood a bit better.

The drive back to Liam’s passed quicker than Louis had wanted it to. He wanted this night to last forever. It had all just been so perfect. 

“I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to meet someone like you, Liam.” Louis said, stifling a yawn.

“Same here, Louis.” Liam said. “You tired?”

“Only from the food. Unfortunately, I suffer from a rare condition called Food Comas.” Louis said, trying his best to look sad. He yawned again.

“I get those too.” Liam said, smiling a little. He kissed Louis’ lips, breaking it with a small laugh when Louis made a surprised noise.

Louis broke the kiss when he noticed Liam’s front door. “Wow, a red door, Liam?”

“Nothing wrong with a red door.” Liam said, giggling. “Think the alcohol’s gone to your head a bit, Lou.”

“Probably.”

“Come on, it’s cold. Let’s go inside.” Liam kissed Louis again quickly before opening the driver side door, letting in all the cold air.

“Fuck!” Louis yelled. He darted out of the car and got to the front door of Liam’s house before Liam did. “Come on, Liam, it’s cold!” Louis whined.

Liam smiled. “I’ve got some drinks in the fridge if you want them.” He unlocked the door and opened it, stepping inside to let Louis in first.

“Always a gentleman.” Louis said. He leaned up to kiss Liam’s cheek. Louis enjoyed the height difference between them.

“Just be careful, I think I left a—“

Thud.

“Shirt on the floor.” Liam finished, trying not to laugh. He turned on the light and saw Louis lying on the floor. He had indeed tripped over the shirt that Liam had left there. 

He got up and brushed himself off dramatically. “Most people put their dirty clothes in the laundry, Liam.” 

“It’s not dirty. I wore it for three minutes.”

“I’m proud of you.” Louis said sarcastically. He pulled Liam’s chin down and kissed him. “Now, direct me to your fridge so that we can drink your drinks.” He started heading for   
what he thought was the kitchen. He turned on a light switch he found and was thankful he’d walked into the right room.

“How are you navigating my house when you’ve never been here?” Liam asked, following him.

“I actually have cameras hidden everywhere. I’ve got a detailed map of your house in my secret basement.” Louis said, looking through the fridge. He pulled out two beers and handed one to Liam.

Liam laughed. “You’ve gotta show me that next time I’m at your place.”

“It wouldn’t be a secret if I showed it to you, Payno.”

“No, I guess not.” Liam said. He unscrewed the lid of his beer and took a long sip of it, downing a quarter of the bottle. “Good thing I stocked up this morning.” He said, looking at it.

“Definitely.” Louis said, unscrewing his own beer and drinking from it. 

“There’s some chips in the cupboard if you want to grab some.” Liam said. “I’m going for a wee. Make yourself comfortable.”

In the few minutes that Liam wasn’t there, Louis took the time to admire his house. It was small, but it was cosy and lived in and Louis could feel himself falling in love with it. He’d love to live here. Liam’s so lucky, he thought to himself.

When Liam came back, he found Louis laying on the couch, nursing his beer with a hand in a bowl of chips he’d gotten out.

“So, Payno.” Louis said, clearing his throat. “How does a twenty-year-old get to have his own house?”

“My parents bought it for me just before they moved to America. That’s where I was coming from when we were on that flight together.” Liam said, taking a handful of chips and putting them in his lap. “I missed them so they invited me over for a few weeks and I ended up staying for three months. I figured it was probably time I went home and actually lived in the house they’d bought for me. They furnished it for me and everything.” Liam smiled, but it was a little sad. Louis hoped to meet the Payne’s one day.

Louis thought for a moment. “I don’t know what I’d do without my mum. I don’t know what she’d do without me.” He laughed a little. 

“Jay’s nice.” Liam said. “Really kind.”

“Where do you think I get it from?” Louis said, smirking.

“Clearly not from her, because you’re a little shit, Louis.” Liam said.

Louis threw a chip at him, and Liam spilt a few drops of his beer on himself trying to dodge it.

“Well done, Payno.” Louis said, clapping. He downed the rest of his beer and got up to get another one, and one for Liam too.

“Can I ask you something?” Louis asked when he handed Liam’s beer to him, despite still having some of his first one still there.

“Sure.”

Louis unscrewed his beer. “Well, when we were talking earlier and I mentioned like, school and stuff, you seemed to close up a bit? Like, you were the opposite of an Alohamora spell in Harry Potter or something.”  
“Colloportus.” Liam said.

“Of course you’d know that.” Louis smiled.

When Liam didn’t speak for a few minutes, Louis wondered if maybe they weren’t there yet, that he’d stepped over some imaginary line and had wrecked what he and Liam had been building over the last few weeks.

“I was bullied at school.” Liam said, finishing his beer. He got up to get another one, Louis followed him. He startled a little as he turned around from the fridge and noticed Louis. 

“I’m not gonna push you, Liam. You don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t want to.” Louis said, sitting on the counter.

“No, it’s okay. It’s been a long time anyway. Come on.” Liam held out his hand for Louis to take. His hand was cold in Louis’ from the beer and Louis was thankful for it. Alcohol made him get hot.

Louis sat down on the couch again, and felt his heart beat a little faster when Liam sat down close next to him, instead of on the armchair opposite him. After Liam had unscrewed his next beer, he held Louis’ hand. Louis turned to face him a bit better, bending his leg up and resting it on Liam’s knee.

Liam took a sip of his beer. He was way past tipsy now, decided that this would be his last, if he could be bothered to finish it.

Louis waited for Liam to be ready. After a few moments, Liam said “It wasn’t bad at first, really. Just some name calling. Usual stuff I guess.” Louis rubbed his thumb over Liam’s and downed the rest of his beer. 

“Then, when I got to high school things got worse.” Liam said.

“What happened?” Louis asked, barely above a whisper.

“One time, I was at my locker at the end of the day and these bigger guys came up to me and started saying some really nasty stuff to me. So I got my books out and I walked away.” Liam said. “But they followed me. They followed me out onto the street out the front of the school and they beat me up. I fought them back as much as I could, but it didn’t help much, really. That’s how I got this.” Liam unhooked his hand from Louis’ and showed him a faint scar on the knuckle of his middle finger. Liam took another sip of his beer, not enjoying the taste much anymore. 

“I took up boxing the next day. I think I’m done with this.” He added as an afterthought and placed his beer on the coffee table. Louis attached his hand to Liam’s again and settled in beside him, resting his head on Liam’s shoulder. Liam rested his head against Louis’.

“Wow.” Louis said. “That’s fucked, Liam.”

“Yeah. You get used to that sort of thing after a while though. It’s been ages since it all happened anyway.” Liam said. “I’m over it now. Feels good to talk about it though.”

“I’m glad I can be the one you can talk to about it.” Louis said. “School was different for me. I got bored easy. I was good in drama though. Even played Danny Zuko in Grease one year.”

“Really? I love Grease.” Liam said, smiling. He sighed contentedly.

“Yeah, it was amazing. The only downfall to school was my geography teacher one year said I’d never amount to anything.”

Liam sat up and stared at Louis. “Wait, they actually said that to you?”

“Yeah he did.” Louis said, surprised that he still felt angry about it even thought it was years ago and didn’t matter anymore.

“That’s a fucking disgusting thing to say to someone, especially someone you’re supposed to be teaching.” Liam said.

Louis smirked. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you swear, Liam.”

“Well, I’m full of surprises.” Liam said, trying his best at a wink. Louis laughed at him.

“Don’t laugh at me, I’m trying to be sexy.” Liam said, punching Louis’ arm playfully.

“You don’t have to try, Liam.” Louis said, suddenly serious.

Liam stopped smiling. He cupped Louis’ face with his hands and kissed him hard. Louis quickly lost himself in a whirlwind of lips, tongue and hands. 

Louis broke the kiss a few minutes later, gasping for air. “Woah.” He said, breathing heavily.

“Yeah.” Liam said, out of breath himself. He smiled and kissed Louis’ cheek. “Sorry to break the mood, but I need another wee.”

When Liam came back from the toilet, he almost fell over from being startled when he found Louis sitting on his bed. “Jesus, Tommo.”

Louis smirked. “Where were we?” Liam walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

**

The next morning, Louis spent the first few seconds after he woke up being terrified because he didn’t know where he was. When Liam’s arm that was around him moved a little, Louis calmed down. “You’re fine, babe.” Liam mumbled into Louis’ neck. Louis wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. 

He slowly turned over, making sure not to move too quickly so he didn’t wake Liam up. It didn’t work though. Liam’s grip on him tightened a little and he asked “What are you doing?”

“Just wanted to look at your pretty face.” Louis said, voice thick.

“Your morning voice is cute.” Liam said, smiling sleepily. He yawned and Louis stuck a finger in his mouth. “Ew, Louis.” Liam said, grabbing Louis’ hand so he wouldn’t do it again. Louis kissed him instead and Liam sighed into it. 

“I could get used to that every morning.” Liam said.

“Every morning?” Louis asked.

“Lou, why don’t you move in?” Liam asked, sitting up and stretching. 

Louis thought for a moment. He sat up and rested his chin on Liam’s shoulder. “I’ll have to talk with mum about it because she’ll be by herself without me, but it should be all   
right. I’d love to, Liam.” Louis said. Liam laid back down and pulled Louis down with him.

**

It had been a week since Liam had asked Louis to move in, and even thought Jay hadn’t been exactly thrilled at the idea, she’d been supportive of it right from the start. “I couldn’t wish for a better mum.” Louis said to her. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Lou.” Jay said, wiping a tear from her eye. “I know you’re not far away, but it’s gonna be weird not having you here with me all the time.” She tried to add a little laugh but it fell flat.

“Mum, it’s gonna be okay.” Louis said, putting down the box he was holding and wrapping Jay up in a tight hug. “I’m always gonna be here, you know that. And I’m only a phone call away if you need me, and Liam too.”

“I can’t believe how fast all of this has gone though.” Jay said into Louis’ shoulder. She pulled out of the hug and sniffed. “I mean, you and Liam didn’t even know the other existed two months ago and now you’re moving in with him.”

“Sometimes you don’t need to wait when things feel right.” Louis said. He hated sounding cliché, but sometimes things called for clichés.

“I’m gonna miss you, Lou.”

“I’ll miss you too mum. Everything is gonna be fine. Would you like me to call you every night?” Louis asked.

“I actually really would, to be honest.” Jay said, smiling. She wiped at a fresh tear that was rolling down her cheek. “Come on, I’ll drive you.” 

Louis picked up the box and followed Jay to the front door. “I’m gonna miss this place.” Louis muttered to himself. He turned away quickly before he started crying. He’d grown up in that house, he never imagined he’d not be living there.

“You got everything?” Jay asked as they pulled up to Liam’s house. Well, Louis and Liam’s house now. 

“Yeah, the essentials.” Louis said. “And some other stuff. I didn’t wanna move everything out straight away. I’d feel bad for leaving you with so much space, so I figured I’d just do it gradually.”

“You’ve grown into such a kind person, Lou.”

“Well, I’ve got you to thank for that.” 

“Stop, you’re gonna make me start crying again.” Jay said, wiping at her eyes.

When they pulled up to the house, Liam was struggling to walk inside under the weight of the box he was carrying.

“Did you put bricks in that one just to be mean?” Jay said as she got out of the car.

“No, it’s just some of my books in there.” Louis answered.

Liam walked back out of the house and his face brightened up when he saw Louis. “Hey, babe.” He said, pulling Louis into a hug and kissing his cheek. He waved to Jay and smiled. “Tommo, I don’t know what you’ve got in one of those boxes, but I think I broke my back trying to carry it in.”

“I like books!” Louis said, far more dramatically than was needed.

Jay laughed and handed the box Louis was holding earlier to Liam. “Here, Liam, this one should be much lighter.”

**

Jay had left a few hours ago, after making sure that Louis had settled in okay. Liam and Louis finished up their dinner, Chinese takeaway, and made their way onto the couch, snuggled up under a blanket and watching Toy Story. Louis had never seen it and it was Liam’s favourite movie. Louis liked it. Liam fell asleep half way through, and when it was over, Louis gently untangled himself from Liam and got up, stretching as he walked into the kitchen.

He almost stumbled over a box that had gone unnoticed when they started unpacking Louis’ things. He sat down in front of it and opened the flaps of the box, revealing the books that had been neatly packed inside of it. There wasn’t room for all of them, sadly. Louis made a mental note to sweet talk his way into Liam moving some of his DVDs so that his books had more room. He slowly dragged the box over to the bookcase and put a few of them in. He didn’t want to leave the rest of them just sitting in the box, so he unpacked them gently and piled them next to the bookcase, from tallest to shortest.

“Looks good.” Liam said from the doorway as Louis placed the last book on top of the pile. Louis smiled at his finished product and stood up. 

He walked over to Liam and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Sorry if I woke you. Do you want some tea?” Louis headed over to the kettle and turned it on.

“Sure, thanks.” Liam said. He walked over to where Louis was standing by the kettle and wrapped his arms around Louis from behind, hooking his head on Louis’ shoulder. He kissed it. “Enjoyed your first day here?”

“Yeah, I have.” Louis said, flinching a little when Liam’s stubble dragged along his neck. “It’s been perfect.” Louis cupped Liam’s face and kissed him.

The kettle boiled, which startled them both and Liam bit Louis’ lip accidentally. “Sorry.” Liam said after Louis had finished throwing profanities at him. He smirked. “You’re cute when you’re mad.” Liam said, putting on an American accent.

“You’re a twat, Liam.” Louis said, pouring the boiling water into the mugs.

Liam yawned. “Might go to bed soon, I think.”

“Is that an invitation?” Louis asked.

“It’s whatever you want it to be, sweet heart.”

“Is it too late to ask mum to come and get me?” Louis asked, purposefully bumping into Liam as he went to the fridge to get the milk.

“Definitely.” Liam said, pulling Louis to him and kissing him.

“I’m gonna have to chug my tea, aren’t I?” Louis asked.

“Afraid so, Lou.” Liam said.

**

“Hey, Andy! What’s up, man? Haven’t talked to you in ages.” Louis could hear Liam’s voice from the kitchen. He felt jealous all of a sudden. For all he knew, Andy could be an eighty-year-old man. Liam got on with everyone and seemed to be friends with people of all ages. He got out of bed, and walked into the kitchen, stretching his arms. “Morning, Lou.” Liam said to him.

“That’s great, man. Yeah, sure, I’ll let you know asap. Sure, mate. Love you too. Bye.” Liam hung up and grinned at Louis so much that his eyes disappeared behind a bunch of happy wrinkles. That was Louis’ favourite Liam Face. 

“Who was that?” Louis asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

“My mate Andy. I haven’t seen him in almost a year, it’s crazy. We went to school together. He got a job in America ages ago and the hot shot is always so busy now I’ve barely been able to see him.” Liam was absolutely brimming with excitement. “Anyway, he’s having a birthday party soon for his missus in Vegas and wanted to know if I’d be able to make it.”

“You should go.” Louis said, smiling.

“The only thing is though,” Louis was annoyed that Liam’s shoulders slumped. “I’m not sure that you were invited?”

“That’s okay. I’ve never met Andy anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, Lou.” Liam said. He walked over to Louis and hugged him tight. These were Louis’ favourite hugs. The ones where Liam’s arms felt like   
impenetrable armour that made Louis feel completely safe and like nothing could hurt him.

“You should go.” Louis said, kissing Liam’s cheek. “When is it anyway?”

“Next weekend. Andy wants me to fly in a few days earlier though so we can hang and stuff. It’s gonna be amazing seeing him again.” Liam’s eyes disappeared again and he hugged Louis so tight Louis felt like one of his ribs might snap. 

“Can’t breathe, Payno.” He said, which was muffled because his head was stuffed into Liam’s neck.

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” Liam let him go. Louis rubbed his sides. 

“You’re gonna have the best time ever and I want to hear all about it when you come back, all right?” Louis said. “No arguments.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Liam said, saluting Louis.

“Sir?” Louis asked, raising one eyebrow. “I like the sound of that.”

**

“Hey, Lou, I’m back in England. Hope you’re home x.” was the text that Louis woke up to. Louis had been quietly annoyed that he didn’t get to go, but Liam had promised him that one day he’d take him to Vegas.

Feeling lonely, Louis had asked his mum if he could stay with her while Liam was gone. Thankfully, she’d been more than happy to have him home. 

Louis rubbed his eyes and replied back to Liam’s text. “I’ve been at mum’s while you’ve been gone, but I’ll be back tonight x.” He could easily go back home now, but he knows that Liam likes some space after he’s been travelling.

Louis stretched and got out of bed, headed straight for the toilet. When he walked back into the kitchen, Jay was up boiling the kettle for tea.

“Morning sweetheart.” She said, kissing Louis’ cheek.

“Morning, mum. Liam’s back.” He said, sitting down at the table.

“When are you going back home?” Jay asked, taking the kettle off the boil.

“Either tonight or tomorrow. Not sure just yet.”

“All right, well don’t just up and leave again, Louis.” Jay said with a laugh.

“Hey, that was one time, two years ago. I’d let you know if I was leaving you for Liam permanently.” Louis took his tea from Jay, smirking.

“Well, as long as he makes you happy, I’ve got no problem with him being in your life, Lou.”

“Thanks mum.” Louis took a sip of his tea.

**

A few hours later, Louis’ phone began vibrating next to him. He groaned as he was woken up from his nap. It was Liam.

“Hey, Payno, what’s up?”

“Lou, I need you to come home. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve done something.” Liam sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

“I can’t until mum comes home, she’s got the car at the moment. What’s wrong? What’s happened?” Louis felt helpless.

“I can’t tell you over the phone.” Liam sounded miserable.

“Okay, well, I’ll be there as soon as I can, all right? I love you Liam.” 

“I love you too, Louis.” Liam said.

Louis hung up the phone and quickly searched his phone for Jay’s number, tapping his thumb on the ‘call’ button a little too hard.

Jay picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hey, Lou, what’s up, everything okay?”

“How much longer are you going to be? I need the car.”

“Probably about another twenty minutes, it’s busy in here. What’s wrong?”

“Liam called and he said he needs to talk to me as soon as possible.” Louis was trying to slow down how fast he was talking.

“All right, look, I’ll try to be as fast as I can. See you soon, love.” Jay hung up.

Louis sat in silence. He’d never felt this anxious before. He decided to text Liam.

“I’ve called mum; she says she’ll be about twenty minutes. I’m sorry I can’t come sooner, babe.” 

Jay was home in fifteen minutes and Louis was out the door a few minutes after she’d arrived, telling her he was sorry to do this to her and he’d have the car back to her as soon as possible.

“It’s all right, love. Just make sure he’s okay.” Jay kissed Louis’ cheek and watched him go out the door.

The drive to Liam’s was quicker than Louis had anticipated, probably because he’d gone over the speed limit a few times. He was thankful that there hadn’t been any cops around, especially since it was five o’clock, rush hour. 

Louis pulled into Liam’s driveway and turned off Jay’s car. Bursting through the door, Louis found Liam sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch with his head in his hands.  
“Liam, I’m here.” Louis said, setting the keys down on the cabinet and dropping to the floor to match Liam’s height. He pulled Liam’s hands away from his face and Liam looked at him. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were stained with tears.

Louis wrapped Liam up in a tight hug. “Liam, what happened?”

“Something… In Vegas.” Liam said between sobs. “Louis I’m so sorry.” Fresh tears fell from Liam’s eyes, following the stains of the old ones down his cheeks.

“Vegas? Liam, you’re not making any sense. I need full sentences.” Now is not the time to make jokes, Louis scolded himself.

“You’re gonna hate me when I tell you.” Liam said. Louis had never heard anyone sound so sad and devastated before.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Liam said. “But I can’t judge anything until you tell me what happened in Vegas.” Louis was pleading. He was desperate to know what had gone on. He hated seeing Liam like this, but he hated only having half the information.

“I met a girl.” Liam said after a few choked sobs.

Louis steeled. He took his hands off Liam, feeling his heart plummet and the blood leave his face at the same time. “And?” He sounded cold. He felt numb.

“And…” Liam soldiered on. He’d never felt this awful in his entire life. “And we got really drunk and...” He rubbed his nose and looked at Louis. “I’m sorry, Lou. I fucked up.”

“Fuck you.” He used Liam as a push-off to get back to his feet, purposefully shoving Liam into the couch more.

Liam rose to his feet. “Louis, please. I’m sorry.” He tried to grab him, but Louis took a step backwards, annoyed that he was closer to the wall than he thought, crashing into it.

“Yeah, fucker. I bet you were really damn sorry when—I’m not even gonna say it.” Louis took a breath. He didn’t know what to do, but he had to get out of there. “You’re a pathetic pig, Liam, and I never want to see your disgusting face again.” Louis grabbed the keys and stormed out the house, slamming the door as he went.

He drove a few streets down and parked the car on the side of the road, unable to keep himself contained anymore. He hadn’t cried this hard in a long, long time, nor had he felt this beaten down, humiliated and miserable and heartbroken in, well, ever. 

Louis stepped out of the car and onto the curb and threw up, continuing to dry reach when there was nothing left in his stomach, the bile burning his throat. He sat down on the grass and sobbed again. He hated not being in control of his body. He hated that with every sob his body jolted like it was being electrocuted, only there was no electricity around.  
It took him about fifteen minutes to calm down enough to stand up again, holding onto the car for support because he’d never felt so dizzy in his life. Liam had wrecked him. Chewed him up and the spit him back out. Louis had never felt so worthless in his life. 

He decided the first thing he was going to do, was tell his mum that everything was okay. He practiced a few times to make sure his voice sounded even and not shaky and not like he’d just been a crying heap on the ground on the side of the road for the last fifteen minutes. He’d never lied to Jay about how he was feeling before, and that scared him.  
He pressed ‘call’ on Jay’s contact in his phone with a shaky finger and put the phone to his ear. Louis’ heart beat faster with every ring. Jay picked up on the fifth ring, much to his relief.

“Hey, love, everything all right?” She sounded happy. Louis couldn’t break now and ruin her good mood.

“Yeah, mum, everything’s fine.” He was going to continue, but Jay cut him off.

“Really? Because I just had Liam call the house phone asking if I’d seen you. He sounded pretty upset. Louis what happened?”

“We’re playing hide and seek.” Louis said, scolding himself for such a shit lie. He felt like crying again. And if he didn’t get off the phone soon, he would definitely start sobbing, and right now, he didn’t want his mum to know he wasn’t okay. “He’s just shit at it. Probably got moody coz I’m better than him.” Louis tried to laugh, but it sounded weird, like a croak from the back of his throat.

“All right.” Jay said after a few moments. She definitely didn’t believe him. “Well, you’ll tell me if things aren’t okay, won’t you?”

“Of course, mum. I always do, don’t I?” Louis looked at himself in the mirror. Atrocious, he thought to himself.

“Yeah. Have a good day, I love you.”

“I love you too, mum.” Louis said. Liam’s a prick, he didn’t say. He put his phone on the front seat and sighed.

His phone buzzed a few seconds later, Liam’s face showing up on the screen. Louis picked up and answered. “Fuck off.” He said, and ended the call. He felt pretty fucking immature for that one. He rubbed at his face, wincing at the tenderness of his eyes.

He looked in the rearview mirror again. They were puffier than Liam’s had been earlier, and Liam had definitely been crying longer than Louis had. 

He didn’t know what he needed to do right now, other than he needed to get the car back to his mum’s place. As it happened, fate was on his side. Louis’ phone went off with a text from Jay saying that one of her friends had come to pick her up for a girl’s night out. “Well that’s fucking lucky.” Louis said out loud, replying with a “Okay, have fun x.” 

Louis turned his phone off and headed for the closest liquor store. Deciding to drown the last five months of his life in alcohol probably wasn’t his smartest idea, but right now, he really didn’t care anymore.

**

Liam had been driving around town searching for Louis for an hour and a half when he finally found him stumbling along the highway that lead out of town, completely drunk. Liam quickly slowed his car to a stop at the side of the road, trying his best not to startle Louis. 

Louis turned around when he heard Liam’s car turn off and took a sip out of the bottle he was carrying. “I’m—I’m fine, officer.” Louis slurred, waving his arms around. There was an unlit cigarette in between his fingers. “I’m just—Looking for a n-new home.”

A new home. It killed Liam to hear Louis say that. They’d built their lives together, they’d made their home theirs in those few months they were together, and they’d been the best few months of Liam’s life, and in one act of stupidity, Liam had fucked it all up and made Louis feel like he didn’t belong there anymore. 

“Louis, it’s me.” Liam said quietly, carefully approaching Louis who was swaying as he tried to stand still. He was a mess and it was Liam’s fault.

“Oh, well if it isn’t the pain of my existence.” Louis said as well as he could, slurring badly. Liam wasn’t sure how much he’d had, but from how he sounded, it seemed like a lot.  
It's bane, Liam thought to himself. Or a pun, he wasn’t sure. 

“Louis I want you to come home. I want you to sober up. I want us to deal with this.” Liam said, finally reaching Louis and catching him as he began to fall over. Louis tried to wriggle out of Liam’s grasp but gave up and sat down on the grass, scooting away from Liam a little bit. Liam checked his phone and it read 10:30pm. This was definitely going to be a long night.

Louis swallowed the rest of his bottle and threw it away, the sound of it skidding along the asphalt grated on Liam’s ears. He made a mental note to pick it up before they left. Louis lit the cigarette that was in between his fingers and took a long drag, watching it light up and watch the ash slowly fly away. He wished he could fly away. 

“Home, Liam? Don’t have one of those anymore. I don’t live with cheaters.” He took another drag of his cigarette, wishing he had more alcohol. He looked at Liam. “Got any alcohol in your car?”

He was still off his face drunk, but his slurring had calmed down a bit and he was somewhat more coherent than he had been when Liam found him. Maybe the weight of the upcoming conversation was sobering him up quicker than anticipated, Liam thought. Liam hoped.

“Our car.” Liam corrected, hoping it would salvage some part of their relationship. What’s his is Louis’ and always will be. “I don’t, sorry.” He wasn’t sorry. He’d never be sorry for not giving Louis more alcohol. He hated seeing Louis like this. Especially when he was this far gone. Thankfully, in their entire relationship, this had been the only time that Louis had been feeling like this while drunk. So sad and miserable and heartbroken. Liam hated it. And he hated that he was the reason for it.

Louis stared out at the road while he finished his cigarette, studying it like he’d never seen asphalt before. He was pensive, and tense, and rigid and all Liam wanted right now was to hug him and tell him over and over that everything would be okay and everything would be fixed in no time and they’d look back on the events of today and laugh at how stupid they’d been. Only, this wasn’t stupid, and there was nothing to laugh about, not even in five year’s times where they’re worlds away from this night.

Liam had been the stupid one. He’d been the one to go to Vegas and hook up with a random girl. He’d been the one who’d asked her to his hotel room. He’d been the one that fucked everything up. Liam hated himself. He felt disgusting. He doesn’t even know why he did it. He doesn’t know why no one tried to stop him. Probably because it wasn’t their choice to make. Liam had dug his grave, and now he had to lie in it, pure and simple. 

“Louis, I’m sorry.” Liam said. He looked at Louis. He looked far away, like he wasn’t completely there, and he probably wasn’t. Louis had said in the past that when he’s really drunk, he feels like he’s having an out of body experience, like he’s not quite in himself anymore, like he’s watching from far away. 

“I know you are.” Louis said after a few moments, taking another cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. “Doesn’t mean you’re not a piece of shit, Liam.” Louis spat.   
“I’m not a piece of shit.” Liam said, more to himself than Louis.

“Yes, you fucking are, Liam.” Louis said, turning his whole body to Liam and dropping the cigarette which he thankfully hadn’t lit yet. “People who aren’t pieces of shit don’t cheat on their partners, you fucking asshole.” He tried to stand up but he fell over, landing flat on his back, ignoring the tears that were in his eyes and sliding upwards into his hair. Louis’ world was spinning around him and he just wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stay still. He wanted Liam to go away so he could just lie here on the grass for the next ten years while he felt sorry for himself, and then once he’d grown a substantial beard and no longer cared about Liam, he’d get up, dust himself off, and move on with his life, preferably with someone that wasn’t a cheating scumbag.

Liam just watched. He didn’t know what to do.

Louis tried to stand up again and stumbled a few times before steadying himself. His face was suddenly lit up by the headlights of a car that was far away, travelling down the road. Liam’s heart sunk when he saw how red and puffy Louis’ eyes were, the same as his eyes had been this afternoon, when he broke Louis’s heart. “You know what, Liam? I hope you fucking rot in hell. I hope that someday someone makes you feel as bad as you’ve made me feel. And I hope it haunts you, Liam.” He put on a mocking voice. “Oh, a pretty girl wants to fuck my brains out, quick, how fast can I get my fucking pants off?” He yelled, voice echoing off the nearby trees. Liam forgot how much he didn’t like Drunk Louis.

Liam stood up and tried to go to Louis, but Louis backed away and walked onto the road. Liam had a bad feeling. “Louis, get off the road.” He warned. He made a grab for Louis’ arm to pull him off of the tarmac, but Louis laughed and darted away. 

“You can’t tell me what to do, Liam. We’re done, okay? We’re fin—“

Louis could hear the screech of tyres as a blinding light was headed towards him. He felt a pain in his leg.

And then there was nothing.  
**

It’d been hours since the accident, and Louis was still asleep in his hospital room. Jay had been furious with Liam when he’d called her while he was waiting for Louis in emergency, rather than when the ambulance had arrived. She was on her way now. Liam had never been this scared in his life. If Louis didn’t make it, he didn’t know what he’d do. 

“Hi, um, Louis Tomlinson’s room, please?” Liam heard Jay’s hurried voice out in the hall. He braced himself for what was going to come.

When she walked in, the colour drained from her face. “My poor baby.” She said, bursting into tears as she went over to Louis, shoving Liam out of the way a little. She kissed his forehead before turning around to face Liam. “What happened?” She asked, sitting down on the chair next to Liam’s.

“He got hit by a car.” Liam said quietly. He felt like he was going to cry again.

“Obviously, Liam. I want to know why he got hit by a car. What was he doing out on the road?” Tears ran down Jay’s cheeks. Liam felt dizzy, like he was about to throw up.  
“We, um. We got into a fight.” Liam rubbed his hands over his face. “I did something while I was in Vegas and I shouldn’t have, Jay. But I broke his heart because of it and he’d been drinking and the car hit a bottle he’d thrown out onto the road and it spun out of control and there was nothing anyone could do. Jay, I’m so sorry.” Liam broke again, tears spilling from his eyes and dripping onto his jeans.

Jay steeled, her jaw clenching and unclenching. She looked at Liam coldly. “What did you do in Vegas, Liam?”

“I—“ Liam was cut off by a nurse that walked into the room. He hated that he felt relieved. 

“Hi, everyone. I’m here with Louis’ test results. I’m presuming you’re his brother and mother?” The nurse asked. She sounded exhausted.

“Mother and boyfriend.” Jay answered.

“Lovely to meet you both. I’m Nurse Kathy.” She opened Louis’ chart and read off it. “Now, he’s got a sprained ankle and a few cuts and bruises. We did have to stitch his arm up and take some rocks out of the wounds from where he scraped along the asphalt. He should wake up in the next few hours. Other than all of that, he’ll be perfectly fine. But we will be keeping him for a night or two just for observation.” Nurse Kathy offered them both a soft smile. Liam smiled back, Jay stared at Louis’ cheek, where there was a small graze. “He’s very lucky.”

“That’s great, thank you.” Liam said. He’d never felt so relieved in his life.

“If you need anything, press the nurse button on the remote.” Nurse Kathy said, leaving the room.

“He’s gonna be fine, Jay!” Liam said. 

“I heard her, Liam. I’ve never been so relieved in my entire life. But our conversation isn’t finished.” Jay said. She stood up, tying her hair into a bun. “What did you do in Vegas that made my baby boy end up in the hospital?”

Liam sat silent for a moment. He was terrified of telling Jay what he’d done, but he knew he needed to. There was no moving forward until it was done. Jay bent down beside Liam’s chair, looking up at him. “Liam, I need to know.” She rubbed his arm gently.

“I um.” Liam gulped. “I got really drunk on the night of my friend’s birthday and… I slept with someone.” 

There was silence between the two of them, until suddenly, Liam’s cheek felt like it was on fire, registering a few seconds later that Jay had slapped him. He’d never felt more disgusted with himself.

“I shouldn’t have slapped you, I’m sorry for that.” Jay said after a few minutes. “But I want you to leave, Liam. I don’t want you in here, and you can probably bet that if Louis were awake, he’d want you out too. I don’t want him to wake up and you being the first thing he sees when you’re the reason he’s here.”

Liam stood up slowly, feeling like he was going to faint. There was no coming back from this. He’d fucked up and there was no way to fix it. 

“I’ll be over tomorrow to pick up Louis’ things. He can recover at my house, surrounded by people who actually love him.” Jay spat as Liam walked passed her. Liam nodded, trying his best to stifle the fresh tears that were brewing. He heard Jay start crying again as the door to Louis’ room shut behind him. 

Liam sunk to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest and his hands to his face. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. He’d never hated himself more than he did at that moment.

A few minutes later, Jay received a text. It was from Liam. “I’ve gone home. Please text me when Louis wakes up. I’m sorry for everything, Jay.” She didn’t reply.

**

At 2:30 in the morning, Louis finally stirred. Jay had been asleep at the time so he stayed quiet. He didn’t know where he was, but he wanted Liam and Liam wasn’t there. “Mum?” He tried calling out to Jay, but his voice was hoarse from going unused on top of the drinking. His head felt like it was weighted down.

He called out to Jay again, and luckily, she woke up this time. 

“Louis, thank god you’re okay!” She said, hugging him gently.

“I’m okay, mum.” Louis coughed. Jay picked up a glass of water and helped him drink some of it. “Thanks.” He coughed again. “Where’s Liam?”

“He went home, Louis. I told him to go.” Jay said.  
“Why?”  
“He told me what happened. I lost my temper.” Jay said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

“Can you ask him to come back? I don’t know where my phone is. I want to see him” Louis said.

“I will tomorrow love. You need your rest. You need to get better. I’m picking up your things from Liam’s place. You’re moving back in with me while you recover. You need to be with people who love you, okay?” Jay said. She was so exhausted.

“Okay.” Louis said. Liam loves me, he thought to himself. I thought he did. He felt too awake to sleep, so he laid in silence for a while, thinking about the events of the night, trying to put together the bits and pieces he didn’t remember. “Did they say if I’ve got anything wrong with me?” He asked after a few minutes.

“Just some cuts and bruises and a sprained ankle.” Jay said.

Louis thought for a moment. “Guess I’m lucky then.” He said. 

“Yeah, you are love.” Jay said. “It could have been so much worse.” Fresh tears filled her eyes. 

Nurse Kathy walked in then. “I’m sorry to do this, Miss Tomlinson, but visiting hours are almost over.”

“All right, thank you.” Jay said.

“I’ll be all right, mum. You go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Louis offered her a weak smile. It hurt the graze on his cheek.

“I’ll be here as soon as visiting hours start tomorrow, Lou.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, mum.” 

Being left alone now felt strange. He’d never been in hospital before. It felt strange and scary. There was so much going on in his mind. He may be alive now, but when he was stumbling along the road before Liam had found him, he’d wanted anything but, and that thought scared him. 

He made a promise to himself in that hospital bed that what happened that night wasn’t going to break him. He’d get through his heartbreak and his recovery and he’d get through his feelings for Liam. Liam broke his heart, but he hadn’t broken him completely.

**

Louis woke up a few hours later feeling exhausted and confused. He needed to talk to Liam and he hadn’t seen Liam since they’d both been on the side of the road, and a lot of what was said there is a blur because of his drunken stupor.

Nurse Kathy walked into Louis’ room which pulled him out of his thoughts. “Morning, Louis. How are you feeling?” Louis was glad that his nurse wasn’t horrible. He’d heard plenty of horror stories about nightmare nurses. 

“A little sore and tired, but I’m all right.” Louis said, voice croaky.

“That’s to be expected.” Nurse Kathy said, smiling. “You’ll be right as rain in a few weeks. Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour and visiting hours are after that.”

“Thank you.” Louis said. He tried to smile, but it ended up being a bit lop sided because of the graze on his cheek.

Breakfast came. Cereal, cold buttered toast, and a cup of orange juice. He nibbled at the toast a bit and drank the orange juice but left the cereal. Time seemed to go so slowly that he ended up falling asleep when Liam came in. 

Liam pulled a chair closer to Louis’ bed. Louis startled awake. “Sorry.” Liam said, voice barely above a whisper. He wasn’t sure where to look. It was basically his fault that Louis was in here, all bruised and banged up.

“Liam.” Louis pulled him out of his thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’re not to blame for me being in here. I don’t remember much from the night, but I know it   
wasn’t your fault.”

“It is, Lou.” Liam rubbed a hand through his hair. He wasn’t going to cry, he couldn’t cry. He’d spent all of last night and yesterday afternoon crying and blubbering that he literally didn’t have it in him to do it anymore. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I think I got hit by a car,” Louis said, trying to sound sarcastic. “but I’m not really sure.”

“This isn’t funny, Louis.”

They fell into an awkward silence.

“Where’s mum?” Louis asked after a few moments.

“She’s at our place. She’s getting your things.” Liam said. “Did she tell you that she’s moving you back in with her?”

“Yeah, she did. Something about me being around people who love me because apparently you don’t anymore.” He tried to laugh, but it fell flat. He regretted what he said as soon as it left his mouth. He stifled the tears that started to form. “I’m sorry, Liam.”

“Don’t apologise, Louis. I deserve it. I think it’s a good idea that you move in with your mum for a while though.”

“You don’t want me?” Louis asked. He didn’t know where that came from. He hadn’t at all felt like Liam didn’t want him anymore. He knew Liam loved and wanted him.

“Of course I do.” Liam said, sounding like he was going to cry. Fresh tears started forming in his eyes and he wiped his face on his sleeve. He sniffed. “I love you, Louis. Maybe we need some time. You’ve got to recover and I need to sort myself out. I don’t want to fight with you. I just want you to get better. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” He started standing up.

“No, stay, please?” Louis reached an arm out for Liam, and Liam held onto Louis’ hand for dear life, like if he let go it would wreck what little shreds were left of their relationship. 

“I don’t want you to go.”

Liam sat back down. Louis sniffed, trying to stop his own tears. He’d never loved anyone as much as he’d loved Liam. And even though Liam broke his heart and ran over it with a steamroller, Louis couldn’t help but still love him.

They fell into a quiet peace, but it wasn’t completely tense free. The both of them felt completely awkward and unsure of everything. It was like back in the early days. It made Louis think of their first date; how unsure and nervous they’d both been that day. It was amazing how in just a few short months, so much had happened to them. The last few months together felt like a lifetime to Louis, and it was a life he didn’t want to lose. He thought of it like a vacation that also had the potential of turning permanent.

Liam’s hand was still firmly in his, and Louis was thankful for the contact. “What do we do? When I’m out of hospital, I mean?”

“Focus on you getting better.” Liam said, clearing his throat. “And if you want me there, I’ll be there. And if not, that’s okay too. I don’t want to hurt you more, Louis. I spent all of last night gathering your things up for Jay and crying. Like, I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop telling myself that you weren’t going to make it through and it was going to be my fault. I’ve never loved someone like I love you, Louis. And I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you for good.” He started sobbing again, wiping his face on the sleeve of his free hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Lou. I’m sorry for everything.”

Louis didn’t want to say that it was okay and it wasn’t Liam’s fault, because it pretty much was Liam’s fault, generally speaking. But, he also didn’t actually know what to say in response to that. Whenever Liam was upset, Louis’ go to reaction was to bundle him up in a hug and put on a movie and not let go of him until Liam felt better. He wanted them to be at that place again, but he wasn’t sure if they ever were going to get there. 

He chose to rub his thumb over Liam’s hand as a substitute, even if it felt like a poor one.

The silence came back, and neither of them knew how to fill it.

Liam’s phone received a text and Louis felt the emptiness of his hand when Liam removed his to check it. “It’s Jay.” Liam said, and if Louis wasn’t mistaken, he sounded disappointed. “She’s moved all of your stuff out of our place and back in with her. Says she’s making up your bed right now and then it’s all done.”

Louis’ lip twitched. “I guess it’s your place now.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Liam said. He sighed. He didn’t hold Louis’ hand again.

**

Two days passed quickly, despite the constant boredom that Louis felt. Liam and Jay came to see him and Louis was pretty certain they were avoiding each other. Jay stayed more than Liam and Louis wasn’t sure how he felt about it. 

It was going to be hard to stop loving Liam Payne.

Jay helped Louis into her car and Louis was glad to finally be going home. Two days was a long time to spend in a hospital. “I still think they could have released me the next day though.” He said.

“Louis, you’re lucky to have gotten out after only two days. You’re lucky to be alive.” Jay snapped. Jay never snapped at anyone, especially Louis. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“Liam’s been around.” Jay said. “He keeps asking how you were and I told him to go away, leave you alone for a few days while you get better.”

“That’s not your choice, mum. I know I’ve just been in hospital and stuff, but that’s not your call. I’m twenty-two, Liam’s twenty, we’re both adults. We can handle this.”

“Really? Because you trying to ‘handle this’ landed you in hospital.”

“Because I threw a bottle onto the road.” Louis snapped right back. He never fought with Jay, ever. Little bickers here and there, sure, but never like this. He hated what this whole thing was doing to them. Maybe he should tell Liam to go away. Maybe he should just remove Liam from his life completely. He hated that the thought of Liam not being in his life made him feel a bit relieved.

Tomorrow, he thought. I’ll do it tomorrow.

**

The next day, Louis convinced Jay that he was well enough to be left on his own for a few hours while she went to work, much to her protest. “I’ll be fine, mum. I can limp around if I need to. I’m not incapable of taking care of myself.”

“Fine, but you call me if anything goes wrong, all right?” Jay said, picking up her hand bag.

“I will, mum.”

“Thank you.” Jay kissed his cheek. “I love you Louis.”

Once Louis knew she was gone, Louis got out his phone and hesitated all the way through his ‘come over’ text to Liam. This was going to be one of the worst things he’d ever done. But Liam broke his heart, there was no way Louis could ever let him back in. He wasn’t going to let himself ever get that vulnerable with Liam again. 

The fifteen minutes it took for Liam to arrive were agonizing. When he knocked at the door, Louis had to swallow the vomit that had been threatening to come up from his stomach.

When he opened the door, the sight of Liam made his heart sink. His eyes looked swollen again, probably from crying too much. And he looked like he’d barely eaten in days. 

Louis had to stop himself from hugging Liam and making him know that everything would be okay. This was definitely going to be the hardest thing Louis had ever done.

“Come in, Liam.” He said, barely above a whisper. “We need to talk.” Liam nodded. He knew what that meant and he braced himself for it the entirety of Louis’ speech.

“It’s just not easy, Liam.” Louis said a few moments after they’d fallen into silence. It seemed to be a common occurrence lately. He didn’t have much more to say to Liam, he’d said all the important bits. “Maybe we can stay friends. But right now, I need to deal with my broken heart and getting better. I love you Liam, I do, and I probably always will. I just wish that I didn’t, it would make all of this easier.”

Liam started crying and Louis had to sit on his hands to stop himself from going to comfort him. He needed Liam out of his house now otherwise everything was going to go really wrong really fast.

Liam composed himself after a few moments, giving Louis a barely audible “sorry.” He rubbed his nose. “I, um. I guess I should be going then.” Liam looked like a lost puppy. He didn’t know where to go or what to do. After a few seconds, Liam bolted for the front door and was gone before Louis could even say goodbye. 

Louis broke. He sank down in front of the couch and cried. He cried so hard he thought he was going to pass out because he could barely breathe. He wanted to text Lam and pretend it had all just been a sick joke, but he couldn’t. He knew it wasn’t a good idea. He needed Liam but he couldn’t be with him anymore. Maybe if he was lucky, things would turn out okay, and they could be friends again, or maybe more. But right now. Louis couldn’t do it. Liam cheated on him, and he still hadn’t dealt with it, not properly. He tried drowning his sorrows in alcohol, and the carelessness of that landed him in a hospital bed. Regardless of what Jay said, he didn’t feel lucky to be alive; he felt fucking miserable.  
He let himself cry for a long time. His phone was sitting on the kitchen table when it buzzed with a text and he desperately hoped it wasn’t Liam. He rubbed his eyes and got up to check. Thankfully, it was Jay telling him that she was on her way home. He replied quickly and then wrote Jay a note saying that he was going to leave his phone with her and under absolutely no circumstances was she to let him have it because if he did, he’d definitely get in contact with Liam, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t tell her that he still truly, 

deeply loved Liam. He wouldn’t know how to cope with it.

Louis texted Jay telling her that he was going for a nap and to wake him in a few hours. He wanted to sleep the rest of forever away, even though he knew he couldn’t. He’d have to face everything sooner or later, even with a broken, steamrolled heart.

**

The next day had been one of the worst in Louis’ life. All he did was sleep and cry. Despite Jay having his phone, he wished that Liam would text him, or call him. Make him feel like Liam still loved him, even though he was the one that told Liam to go away.

As much as Liam had hurt him, Louis didn’t realise that you could miss someone that much. He missed everything about Liam and it only made him cry more. He wished he could go back in time and make Liam not receive that stupid phone call so he never would have gone to Vegas. Louis felt pathetic.

The next few days went pretty much the same, except Jay forced him to eat more and more. “You have to eat, Lou.” She said. 

“I’m not hungry.” Louis said, voice hoarse from disuse. He coughed a little.

“It’s just some soup. No chewing involved. Please, just have some?” Jay said, holding out the bowl to Louis.

Louis sat up in his bed slowly, rubbing at his face. He felt exhausted. He knew he needed to eat something, or at least to put something in his body other than water, but he just couldn’t be bothered. He just wanted to sleep forever.

He took the bowl from Jay and looked at it. He felt weak picking up the spoon and he was mad at himself for letting things get like that. He brought the first spoonful to his mouth and was glad for the taste, something other than saliva and water in his mouth. He set the bowl down next to him on his bedside table and launched himself at Jay, almost knocking her off his bed. “I’m sorry, mum.” He cried into her shoulder, hugging her tight.

“Lou, it’s okay.” Jay said, wrapping her arms around him. “I know it hurts now, but you’re gonna get through this.”

“I just. I don’t know.” Louis said, pulling himself away from Jay and wiping at his eyes. He probably looks like a complete mess. “I just miss him and I wish that none of this had happened. Mum I can’t even tell if I love him or hate him.” Fresh tears fell from Louis’ eyes.

“Welcome to a broken heart, love.” Jay said, rubbing at Louis’ arm. “You just need time to figure everything out. Unfortunately, the only thing that can mend a broken heart is time.” Jay kissed Louis’ cheek. “You’ll get through it, don’t worry. Now, finish your soup and then I think a nap could probably do you good.”

Louis managed a weak smile at Jay and picked up his soup. Jay was right. He was gonna get through this. No matter how horrible he felt about everything right now, things would turn out for the better. He wasn’t sure if the better meant with or without Liam though.

**

The first time Liam got in contact with Louis, he’d texted him saying “Hi.” Louis didn’t respond. Five days later, Louis had a missed call and four texts from Liam when he decided to turn his phone on. Again, Louis didn’t respond.  
**

Jay came home on Saturday after grocery shopping to find Louis once again on the couch. He’d had his headphones on and his eyes closed, but he wasn’t asleep. Jay noticed that he was tapping his fingers to the beat of whatever depressing song he was listening to. Jay was on her last nerve. She moved the groceries into the kitchen, nudging Louis on her way through to let him know that she was back and began putting them away, hoping Louis got the hint to come join her.

Soon, Jay heard Louis’ usual audible sigh as he walked slowly into the kitchen. “Anything I can help with, mum?” He asked, stifling a yawn. 

The past few weeks had really taken its toll on Louis emotionally. Jay never said anything, but she heard him a few times when he cried in his room at night, thinking she was asleep. He hadn’t shaved in god knows how long, and Jay didn’t even remember the last time Louis had a shower. 

“No, Love, I’m all good here.” Jay closed the fridge door and gave Louis a small smile. “Come with me, Lou.” Jay took Louis’ hand and led him back into the lounge room where she sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her for Louis to sit down.

“What’s going on mum?” Louis looked wary, and he hated when Jay said she needed to talk to him. It was always about something bad.

“Lou, you obviously know I love you, and I’m saying this with as much kindness as I can, but you’ve got to do something about yourself.” Rude, Louis thought to himself. But she was right. He rubbed at his chin absentmindedly. He should definitely shave. “I know Liam hurt you, but it’s been a month. You can’t keep lounging around, you’re not going to get through it that way, Lou. You need to clean yourself up. Go back to work maybe? They’ve been calling by the way, they said they’re gonna fire you soon.” Louis stopped going to work two weeks ago. He didn’t give them a reason.

“I know, mum, I’m sorry.” Louis said, voice barely above a whisper.

Jay hugged him right as Louis’ phone buzzed on the coffee table. He picked it up. “It’s Liam.” He says. He hadn’t responded to anything Liam had sent him, but he’d read every message and listened to every voice message over and over. He hated himself for it.

“What does it say?” Jay asked.

“Says he found some clothes in one of the drawers. Wants to know if I’ll come and get them.” Louis looked at Jay, silently asking her if it was okay.

“I think you should go, but we’ll go together.” Jay said. “I know you probably don’t want your mum tagging along with you, but I don’t want something going wrong and you ending up in the hospital again, okay?”

“Okay.” Louis said. If he was honest, he’d rather just take the car to the airport and fly as far away as he could. Maybe to Australia and go surfing or something.

**

Louis pulled up to Liam’s driveway and killed the ignition. He sighed. Felt like lately all he did was sigh about everything. That flight to Australia was looking really good right about now.

“I’m here when you come back, Lou.” Jay offered Louis a small smile, but it was a sad one. Louis hated seeing his mum sad, he felt even worse because he was the cause for it.  
Louis looked at Liam’s house. The same red door that Louis had fallen in love with the first time he’d seen it looked just the same as ever. As if both he and Liam hadn’t slammed it in each other’s faces a million times over the two months Louis was living there whenever they had some kind of spat. Those seemed like nothing in comparison to what had been happening recently. Louis’ stomach lurched. For some weird reason, it felt easier to refer to the house as Liam’s again. Louis didn’t like it, he felt like he didn’t belong there, and maybe he never really did.

“Guess I better go inside.” Louis said. He wished he was five again so he could have his mum go in and do this part for him. But he wasn’t five anymore, and he had to fight his own battles now. He just wished he could come out of it unscathed.

Louis hugged Jay and said that he’d be back as quickly as he could, Liam would want to talk. He opened the car door and tried to talk himself out of bolting down the street as it really wouldn’t help the situation, but it did seem like a good temporary solution. But he couldn’t run. He had to fight. Fight or flight was a stupid thing. He needed to sort all of this out and stop ignoring the problem. He needed to know where he and Liam stood and what they were to each other now. 

Louis walked slowly up Liam’s driveway and Liam greeted him at the front door. “Hi, Louis.” Liam said, offering Louis a small smile. Louis wanted to punch him.

“Hi. I’m just here to get my stuff and then I’ll be going, okay?” It wasn’t really a question, and Louis didn’t wait for Liam to respond. He walked into Liam’s lounge room and felt like he was going to puke. It was so familiar and comforting and he’d spent so much time here, and he’d made it into such a home and he’d loved this little place. Louis wasn’t sure how he was going to cope not being able to be here anymore.

Liam was standing awkwardly by the front door and couldn’t bear to look in Louis’ direction.

“Well, where’s the stuff?” Louis asked impatiently. 

“It’s in the spare room.” Liam said, pointing. “I can get it for you if—“

“I can get it, Liam.” Louis said, cutting him off. He just wanted to be in and out and get it over with and never have to think about Liam again. “How the fuck did I leave so much shit in here?” Louis said under his breath. “I didn’t bring a bag.” He looked at Liam properly for the first time since coming here and he wish he hadn’t. he had so many conflicting emotions going on inside him that he really had no idea what to think.

“It’s fine, I’ll let you borrow—uh, I mean,” Liam stumbled. “I’ll let you keep one of mine.” Liam darted past Louis and into the spare bedroom. Louis followed and stood in the   
doorway while Liam rifled through the wardrobe searching for a bag.

Louis’ phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“How’s it going, Love?” It’s Jay.

He didn’t have the common decency to pack my stuff up for me. Probably just likes to see me suffer. He’s giving me one of his bags though haha!’ Louis added a thumbs up to the text but none of it felt light hearted. He felt sick, like he was very soon going to throw up all over Liam’s carpet.

‘Just let me know if you need any help, Lou x.’ Jay replied back.

Liam closed the wardrobe door and handed the bag he’d found to Louis. Much to Louis’ surprise, it was one Liam had bought for him a while ago. “Thanks,” Louis said.

“Do you want anything? Like a tea or something?” Always a hospitable prick Liam Payne is, Louis thought to himself.

“No. Just wanna get my stuff and then get out of here.” Louis said bluntly. Liam left the room and went to the kitchen anyway. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. 

When Louis had finished packing up his stuff in the spare bedroom, Liam stopped him for a moment. “Can we talk, Lou?”

“Mum’s waiting, and I don’t want to talk to you.” Louis said, pushing past Liam.

“Louis, I’m sorry.”

Louis turned around. “Not this shit again, Liam. You’ve been sorry for the last few weeks. I’m sick of hearing it.” Louis exploded with rage. He didn’t even realise he was still so angry. “I don’t care how sorry you are. You don’t get to break someone’s heart and then think that after saying sorry for the twenty-seventh time, and yes I counted, that you get to be magically forgiven. This isn’t a fucking Disney movie.” Louis huffed and rubbed his face. He felt like he was going to cry purely out of anger. Liam Payne was never going to be the cause of his tears again. At least, not while Liam was standing in front of him anyway. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to finish packing my things, and then we’re done. And I don’t want to hear from you ever again, okay?”

Louis disappeared into the bathroom to check that Jay had picked up everything from there, and dropped the bag by the doorway. He went to the sink and turned the tap on, splashing water on his face, trying his best to quell the tears that threatened to build in his eyes. He let himself get a few silent sobs out before he picked up the shampoo out of the shower and put it in his bag. He couldn’t actually remember if it was his or not, but right now, he didn’t care.

Louis walked out into the kitchen area with his bag on his back and saw that Liam had made him a cup of tea anyway. Louis wanted it because tea made him feel better. He also wanted to pour it all over Liam. It was probably best to just leave it sitting on the counter.

Louis walked into the living room and was headed for the front door when Liam grabbed his arm. Louis shoved him away. “Wait, Louis, you forgot this. It’s yours.” In Liam’s hands was a copy of the film Toy Story, and that pretty much killed Louis. “Remember we’d just moved into this place and I’d said that it was my favourite movie as a kid, and you said you’d never seen it so we made it our mission to find it so you could watch it with me. I want you to have it.” He tried to smile, but it fell flat. Louis noticed that Liam looked deflated. He hated it.

Louis couldn’t help the tears that brimmed his eyes. “Keep it.” He sniffed. “I don’t need it.” He wiped his eyes headed for the front door.  
“So that’s it then, Lou? No more us? No more making memories? No more love?” Liam sounded like he was pleading.

Louis turned around and faced Liam, squaring his shoulders and trying to make himself look bigger than he actually is. “You probably should have thought of that before you got drunk and had sex with a stranger, Liam.” Louis hated being this angry. He needed to get out of here.

“Don’t you love me anymore?” Liam’s voice was so quiet Louis barely heard what he said.

Louis shut the door quietly and dropped his bag. Facing Liam, he said “If you wanted me to keep Loving you, Liam, maybe you shouldn’t have done what you did.” He tried to compose himself, but his anger was bubbling over. He really needed to get out of here. “You fucking cheated on me, Liam. What could make you think I could still love you?” Even though I do, Louis thought. He scolded himself. “No amount of sorry is going to fix that. You dug your grave, asshole, now you have to lie in it.” Louis picked up his bag and opened the door again, hoping that this time when he closed it, he’d be on the other side, where he didn’t feel so claustrophobic and overheated and angry.

“Louis, please.” Liam was crying now and it made Louis feel sick. Seeing Liam cry hurt Louis’ heart whenever he saw it happened. He’d accidentally told Liam that once, and Liam had made an active choice to never let Louis see him cry ever again. Until now at least. “What do I have to do to make you love me again?” He tried to hug Louis, but Louis slipped out of his grasp.

“You can’t do anything, Liam, I’m sorry.” Tears spilled onto Louis’ cheeks. He was definitely going to throw up. He swallowed the bile that threatened to come up his throat.  
They were silent for a moment, both thinking about what to say and do next. 

Liam snatched up Louis’ hands in his. “What do I have to do so you’ll love me again, Louis?” Liam finally said after a few moments, barely audible. Louis was sick of hearing it. Liam looked into Louis’ eyes and he could swear he could see his heart breaking all over again. He hated this. “What do I have to do, Lou?”

“You can’t do anything, Liam.” Louis repeated. He pulled his hands out of Liam’s and ran his hands through his hair. He opened the door and stepped out onto the pavement outside. “Goodbye, Liam.” Louis said, closing the door. He was sure he could hear Liam’s loud sobbing from inside the house, which didn’t make it any easier to walk away.   
He made it out onto the nature strip in front of Liam’s house before he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He dropped the bag and vomited all over the grass.

“Oh baby!” Louis heard Jay say as she got out of the car. She rubbed his back, but he shook her off, trying to say that he needed air. Thankfully, she got the message and took a step back. “Come on, let’s get you home.” She said when Louis had calmed down. He felt weak and she helped him into the car and off they went. Away from Liam and that house and all the memories. 

Louis burst into tears.

**

Louis spent the next two weeks dodging every text and call Liam directed his way. At first it had been difficult, but now it was just becoming annoying. He’d contemplated just getting a new number all together, but he also couldn’t be bothered. Jay had been trying, but failing, to get Louis to talk to Liam. Every time she’d even mentioned his name, Louis felt himself go rigid. He wanted to make himself talk to Liam, but he also wanted Liam to fall off a cliff, so he was in a bit of a dilemma. Louis just felt stuck. He never did heartbreak well. Usually he’d drown it all out with drinking and maybe spend a few hour’s chain smoking his problems away here and there, but this time, it seemed different. He’d never been totally and completely gone for someone the way he had been for Liam. He wished it had ended better, or just not ended at all.

Jay cleared her throat, pulling Louis out of his thoughts. She bent down in front of the couch that Louis was laying on so that she was eye level with him and smiled sympathetically. “It’ll be okay, Lou. I’m here for you. But you need to start healing, and lazing around all day isn’t going to help you. I’ve written you out a shopping list, can you take it and buy some groceries for me?”

Louis took the list and read over it silently. It was the usual stuff: milk, eggs, avocado. He looked to the bottom of the page and saw that “Please talk to Liam” with a smiley face at the end of it was written there. He sighed. His mum really wasn’t going to let up with this until he made some kind of effort. 

“Sure.” Louis said quietly, clearing his throat again so it wasn’t so croaky. 

“Thanks, Lou. I know I’ve said a lot of unsavoury things about Liam through all of this, but I know he made you happy. I want to see that happy side of you again. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Louis stuffed the list into his pocket and nodded. He grabbed his phone and put on an old jumper, annoyed at himself when he realised it’d taken him three weeks to notice that this was actually Liam’s jumper and it still smelt like him. He probably should have gone through the things he haphazardly took when he went back for the last few things that were left at Liam’s house. Fuck, he missed Liam.

He grabbed the car keys and braved the cold wind outside. He felt miserable, and the day seemed to match his mood; overcast, gloomy. He hated feeling like this. He wished he could go back to that plane ride seven months ago and not drop his fucking passport. Then he never would have met Liam and he never would have kissed Liam near that stupid ice cream shop and he never would have fallen in love with Liam and given everything he had to Liam and moved in with Liam and Louis really hated Liam. 

He got into his mum’s car and sighed, only just realising that he was basically on the verge of crying again. He wiped at his eyes and looked in the rearview mirror to see if there was any telling sign of his almost-crying on his face. Luckily, his eyes were just a bit wet. It’s the wind, he told himself.

Louis rubbed his face and turned the car on. Food shopping always made him feel better.

He was happy that he’d found a park right in front of the store. As he got out of the car, he spotted Liam’s car a few rows back and felt his mood plummet. “For fuck sake.” he muttered to himself. Now he’d have to dodge Liam while perusing every aisle here. Maybe he’d gotten lucky and Liam was at the register already and they’d bypass each other and Liam would never know he was ever there.

He didn’t even notice that he texted his mum saying that Liam was there until he’d just pressed send. Her reply was quick: “Talk to him, love.” He groaned. He’d much rather drive far away where no one could tell him what to do. 

He walked into the store and headed straight for the fruit and vegetable section, pulling out the list from his pocket as he went. The list told him that he needed avocado and tomatoes, amongst other things. He never understood everyone’s apparent obsession with avocadoes. He’d tried it a few times. And it just tasted bad. Like nothing and bad. It was a weird sensation.

He spotted Liam down the dairy and milk aisle so he made a mental note to come back to that one, for absolutely no particular reason at all. He wasn’t avoiding Liam. He just didn’t want to have to look at his stupid face. Let alone waste energy talking to him. Louis felt like an asshole. A big bratty, stubborn asshole. Liam hadn’t texted him in three days, and, stupidly, Louis wanted to know why. Over the last three weeks, Louis had received a missed call or a text every other day. Usually it was just a ‘good morning,’ and nothing else. He was annoyed that he missed them.

Maybe Liam had lost his number. Maybe Liam had stopped trying. Maybe Liam had met someone new and lost all interest in Louis and trying to fix their mess. Was it too late? Louis hated this. He hated being so stubborn and stupid. He shook his head, hoping those thoughts would leave with each shake. He didn’t want to see Liam at all, he decided. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get through one sentence without a few choice profanities thrown in for good measure.

He headed for the frozen section to pick out some ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better, he’d heard some woman say on TV once, and she definitely wasn’t wrong. Who knew that something so cold could bring so much comfort.

He’d decided on choc chip mint when he heard a small cough behind him. He turned around, preparing to say “Sorry!” to the person behind him, until he realised that the person standing behind him was, of course, Liam fucking Payne. 

“Hi, Louis.” Liam said, smiling, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes and make them crinkle up. Louis missed making Liam’s face do that. 

Louis dropped the ice cream and it bounced off his foot. He let a small “Fuck!” hiss out of his mouth.

“Let me get that for you.” Liam said, bending down at the same time that Louis bent down, bumping their heads together with a loud thunk. 

“Ow, that fucking hurt, Liam!” Louis said, rubbing his head. Realising what he’d said, he snatched the ice cream from Liam’s hand, hating that their fingers brushed and started walking away quickly.

“Louis, stop!” Liam called after him. Liam’s bigger than Louis, so it didn’t take him long to catch up to Louis and make him stop running away. “Lou, can we talk? Please?” He sounded desperate.

Louis turned around to face Liam, aware that he didn’t have a response in line. “I’ve got to get these home,” Louis said, gesturing to his basket. “And I need milk,” he added as an afterthought.

Liam thought for a moment. “What are you doing after that?”

“Nothing.” Louis answered flatly. He knew what was coming next.

“Okay, well, how about we meet up at that old coffee place we used to go to and talk? Say, meet there in about an hour?” Liam looked pleading, and Louis could see he was using his best puppy dog expression, which Liam knew made Louis turn to putty. Manipulative prick, Louis thought to himself.

“Fine.” Louis said. He sighed.

“Great!” Liam went to hug Louis, just like he used to, but he thought better of it and ran his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, see you then, Liam.” Louis gave Liam a stiff smile, turned around and walked away, finding his way back to where the milk was and pulling two bottles out from the fridge.

“What the fuck have I gotten myself into?” He said to himself. 

“It’s just milk, love.” An old woman answered him. Louis looked up, a little startled, gave the old woman a quick mmm, and then proceeded to the register, annoyed that he bumped into Liam again, even more annoyed that Liam let Louis cut in front of him. Polite prick.

He picked up his bags of groceries and walked as fast as he could back to his mum’s car, basically throwing them into the back seat. Louis was freaking out. 

When he pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition, he waited a few minutes before actually getting out of the car, despite the groceries that were probably defrosting and melting in the back seat.

Louis sighed. He checked his phone. It told him that he had another forty minutes before he had to be at the coffee place. That’s forty minutes to tell his mum all about it, get ready, try to stop feeling like such a twat, and get going. He put his phone back in his pocket, chucking the shopping list Jay had given him into the garbage bag that was tucked under the front seat. Louis picked up the groceries and headed inside.

“Hey, Lou,” Jay said as he shut the door behind him. Louis made his way into the kitchen.

“Hey, Mum. I need to tell you something.” Louis said, trying to sound distracted by putting the groceries where they needed to go.

“You bump into Liam, then?”

“Um, yeah. He was at the store. I’m meeting him for coffee in about thirty-five minutes.” 

“Oh.” Jay said, thinking for a moment. “That’s really good, Lou.”

“I suppose.” He put the ice cream in the freezer. “I should probably get ready. Mum, what do you wear when you’re meeting an ex for coffee who broke your heart and you’re not   
even sure how you feel about them?” Louis felt like an idiot.

“Shirt and jeans I suppose. Probably what you’ve always worn. It’ll be okay, Louis. Trust me. The only way is forward from here.” Jay hugged Louis tightly. “Now go get ready. I love you.”

“I love you too, mum.” Louis said, walking up the stairs to his bedroom.

Louis wished that their first proper talk post-breakup wasn’t in such a public place where so much private stuff needed to be discussed. He wondered if maybe he should text Liam and ask if they can meet somewhere else. But he doesn’t want to be a bother, so he just decides to grin and bear it and hope that things won’t get too messy. They could always try again if they really wanted to. Louis wasn’t sure if he did. One part of him wanted things to go back to how they used to be, and the other half wants nothing more than to forget about Liam completely. Liam hurt him more than any other person ever has, he’s not sure if he’d be able to get through something like that again and come out the other side. Louis hated uncertainty. He liked it when his life was in perfect order.

He changed into a fresh shirt and sprayed himself with some deodorant. 

Louis walked into the lounge. “How do I look mum?” Louis pretended to do a curtsey. 

Jay looked up from the magazine she was reading. “You look wonderful, darling. And you know I’m only a text or call away, okay?”

“I know mum, Thanks.” Louis said. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Louis decided to walk to the coffee place since he had some extra time to kill.

Walking the few kilometres to the coffee place, Louis had time to think, and he realised that the next hour or so would either make or break his and Liam’s relationship. It was either the end completely or the beginning of a new chapter. Louis wasn’t sure which one he wanted more.

When he rounded the corner to the coffee place, he spotted Liam standing outside, smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey.” He said when he reached Liam.

“Hi, Lou.” Liam stubbed out his cigarette and put the butt in the bin nearby. “Before we go in, can I just ask you a quick question?”

“Um, sure?”

“We’ve got a lot to talk about, and I was wondering if maybe you’d prefer to do that some place that was a bit more comfortable? Like our—my place?” Liam looked down as he realised his mistake. He hoped he hadn’t messed things up already. He wanted this to work.

Louis just ignored the slip up, he didn’t know how to acknowledge it. “Yeah, sure.”

“Cool, I’ll grab a coffee and a tea and then we can go?”

“Sound good.” 

Liam walked inside the coffee shop while Louis texted his mum, letting her know about the new plans. 

She replied quickly, as always, saying that as long as he’s safe, everything should go okay. Louis replied with a thanks.

As Liam walked out of the coffee place and handed Louis’ tea to him, the expression on his face suddenly changed.

“Louis, where’s your car?”

“I walked here.” Louis said, taking a sip of his tea. It was just as good as it always had been.

“Oh, um, okay.” Liam said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Um, do you mind if we drove back in my car? I mean, we can walk and I can come back later to get it, if that’s what you’d prefer? Sorry, I’m babbling.” Liam shook his head at himself.

“No, that’s okay.” Louis said. “We can take your car.”

“Cool.” Liam said, heading for his car. Louis quickly followed. 

Louis wasn’t sure what was going to happen now, not really. But, he was both terrified and excited to see where it led. Maybe he’d get a chance to be happy again, with Liam by his side.


End file.
